"Anti-social" :-(

So here I am once again writing all the utter crap that comez into my head.
I spent the evening walking around outside (zombie-walking az uzual) eating chocolate and then I finally decided to go home but there was this person on the second floor playing the drumz and I could here it from below so I just stood there for sometime listening to him/her play. Whoever it waz waz really doing a good job. Hell I don't even know my neighbourz. Thing iz I don't go out a lot. I'm the type of person who just avoidz people for no apparent reason. Anti-social I guess. I'm generally averse to the idea of meeting new people. I just try to avoid meeting people, talking to them. I guess I seem unfriendly that way. But then again as far az I know people don't exactly hate me or anything. I guess I'm just stupid about this. You know, staying away from people and all that. I used to be really really shy earlier but I realized I'm not that bad now. Though I still avoid people. Hell. I don't know how I'll survive if I keep trying to stay away from everything.
But then I'm pretty happy. I don't need to have a whole load of friendz. I don't need to be popular. I don't need to be a social figure going to parties and stuff everywhere. I don't need a boyfriend. I don't need to dress like a model to get noticed.
People will accept me for what I am and if they don't itz their problem.

I hate all the artificiality everywhere.
I'm realizing I've learnt a lot.....
Life iz full of maskz...everything iz hidden...everything. You never know what will happen. You will never really know what people are like. You will never know whom to trust. You will never really know the reason for everything that happens. You will never be able to hide thingz forever....

*To hell with titles!!!*

Aaaah! So I'm finally back. I'm so happy!!! :)

Going to school after a loooong time! :) 3 weekz!

Well I don't really have anything specific to write. Blah.

I got a new pair of glasses. Most people either think they're totally cool or totally hideous(and I think the former. OK, sorry, DUH. Why would I wear glasses I don't think are pretty?). But most of my friendz have gotten used to me giving them shockz(in terms of clothing and accessories and stuff), so for some of them the glasses weren't much of a surprise. For the record, its purple, white and lemon yellow. :D

I wonder why people still haven't gotten used to my mismatched earringz. They all wait eagerly for my earz every monday to see what colourz I'm wearing. Right now its red and purple but I'll take the purple off and put on yellow coz my glasses are already purple. Hah.

I'm tryin to get better at playing the sitar so that I can play onstage soon. :) I also think I should play the harmonica more, but the thing iz I cant find songz to play. And I don't have the gutz to attempt J.J.Milteau. He'z a genius with the mouthorgan. Year before last his trio played in Kolkata and it was really mind blowing. Really lovely out-of-the-way sort of instrument. You know, itz the type of thing you can take while you're travelling.....

I remember at Sundarbanz - We were sitting right at the front of the boat while it was floating through those tranquil waterz...it was so beautiful. I mean everything was so peaceful and silent. And I was sitting there with water just a few inches below me, playing what I could on the harmonica. One song sounded really beautiful, and it sorta went in with the atmosphere too - "Shei je holudh pakhi". And then I tried some bangla folk songz, but they sound better sung. I played a bit of John Denver and I tried Bob Dylan. Yeah really nice. I'd like to play some more of it. Its a whole new avenue of music....its nice to explore. :)

I think I've written enough crap to be getting along with. Cheerio!

My Will.

I wrote this extremely sadistic post at 4:00 am last wednesday when the fever that had come at 3:00 had subsided after a dose of paracetamol(which smells like rotten or rather oxidized potato - i know what they smell like, we had to use them in a bio experiment). When I wrote this I was intending to post it the next day but it seemed like that parasite got hold of me pretty bad so I couldn't very well come online and anyway, later I decided not to post it coz people would get all upset or something but its my blog anyway and if you have something called a sense of humor you won't find it extremely alarming. :D

1. To Ishani I leave my math khata in memory of the crap we drew and all the days she never brought her computer khata(which was pretty common).
I also leave her my extra navy blue apron which she will wear to every chemistry practical class and if she doesn't I will haunt her every night with IRC'z voice. ;)

2. To Ahana I leave all my writing material so that she doesn't run out of thingz to chew in class.

3.To Maddy I leave my Maity Ganguly Vol.II hoping she becomes a great chemistry scholar.(And she needn't return Vol.I)

4. To Neo.....umm..I'll give him my bean stuffed mousy. :D

5. To Shubholina I leave my Maitree medal in memory of the timez she played the synth while I played the tabla. :P

6. To Arunima I give all my wierd jewellery and hope she develops enough courage to wear mismatched earrings.

7. I leave Trinity my blog cuz she likez it so much and would advise her to read the posts in chronological order. :)





NOTE: This is NOT to be taken seriously.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will get a good pair of sunglasses so that I can look at things I want to and no-one will know. ;)
I will wear my purple sockz coz I love them and itz winter.
I will buy more hajmola candy to survive on.

Haha

I hate rum balls. They look like chocolate but are baaad. Yuck. Way too sweet. Hahaha.
I love chocolate but not too much of it. Hahaha.
Hahaha.
I love to write random crap like I'm doing now. Hahaha.
I love Carnival Of Rust. Hahaha. And if you don't you're stupid. Hahaha.
I hate viral fever. Haha. They make you take huge and terrible tablets. One is light pink and its huge and it smells like rotten potato and it always gets stuck in my throat. :( Haha. Ha. Hahahaha.
I hate tabletz in general - they all get stuck in my throat. Hahaha. :(
Haha. I love to hahaha. Hahaha. No I like to Haha better. Haha.
I will never have fuchka from that man near south gate - he puts gondho lebu(instead of the normal one) in the tetul jol. And he never makes the stuff spicy enough. And the other fuchka waala near my house puts too much salt. :( And the Gangurams ones are too expensive. X-(
Haha. Haha.
I'm very lazy haha. I hate excercise unless its swimming and you can't swim in winter. :(
But haha anyway.
I don't know why I haha. But I don't know the reason for many things Haha. So haha again. Haha.
I like smilye jungle. Hahaha.
I am mad. hahaha.
And if you haven't realized that till now you're even madder. :)
Haha.

Thankzgiving

Its supposed to thanksgiving and thanksgiving is about thanking so here goes:

Thanks to my parents for more than I can say. Thanks to my mother for her accurate judgement of character. Thanks to my dad for making really good tomato soup and for teaching me how to use calculus in thermodynamics and for teaching me awesome tabla bols.

Thanks to my younger brother for coming under my musical influence.

Thanks to my bestest friend for being the best bestest friend in the world, for introducing me to death metal, for making stupid emoticons with me, for watching UFOs all night with me, for jabbering crap when on the phone when I was bored, for repeatedly saving me from getting run over by cars and motorcycles on the road [:P], for being nice enough to learn music notation from me and going as far as to say I was a good teacher, for being a good learner, for making me sing Hotel California innumerable times accompanied by his distuned guitar, for Nymphetamine and Nemo, for all the weird nicknames, for the page full of alien smileys at the back of GD’s khata, for constantly eating biriyani, for being a musician and helping me be one too, for being weird, for being telepathic, for reading my blog and for frequently behaving like a complete freakazoid, which I’ve gotten used to coz we’re friends n I’m thankful for that. :)

Thanks to Anushka for always sticking to our movie plans even when everyone else backs out, for being a great pianist and to her grandmother for making delicious biriyani.

Thanks to Arunima for her get-togethers, for making me realize I haven’t got two left feet, for her chat conversations and SMSes which I can’t understand ,her random smileys which are even more uncomprehensible, for listening to Nymphetamine because I told her to no matter how scary she found it. [:P]

Thanks to Sarojini for being as weird a dancer as I am and for solving people’s problems.

Thanks to Ishani for sitting next to me in class and asking very weird and random questions.

Thanks to Ruvlina for her camera phone to take pictures in class.

Thanks to the lab assistant for his horrific English which makes us laugh during practical classes – “You are making more than noise!”

Thanks to lipid and Sudan II solution for that pretty pink colour.

Thanks to lipgloss and eyeliner for making girls look nice. :)

Thanks to Shubholina for being the only enthusiastic J.A.M member apart from me.

Thanks to J.A.M badges for being so pretty.

Thanks to Sunayna for dancing around while singing taranas during practice for Maitree (and thanks to Rajashree for hitting her with her flute).

Thanks to Debadrita for always laughing like a maniac and having an eye out for good looking people and freaking them out. [:P]

Thanks to CCD Golpark for enduring our crap.

Thanks to Anumita for being so damn friendly.

Thanks to Thursdays for being so eventful. And thanks to that pepsi dokan walla outside GD’s.

Thanks to Picasa and Photoshop for making stupid pictures look brilliant.

Thanks to Evanescence and ‘My Immortal’ for being the only song to have ever made me cry. And thanks to Parikrama and ‘But It Rained’ coz I can play it nicely.

Thanks to Yahoo Messenger for its cute emoticons and for the long and endless chats about possibly everything – it’s sometimes easier to talk online than face to face. Thanks to Orkut for helping me find my old friends again and make new ones.

Thanks to Kolkata for being the City of joy and for the phuckas and junk food and the people and the whole new life I’ve found here.

Thanks to my music teacher and art teacher.

Thanks to poetry coz I can write it.

Thanks to friendship and love coz it’s one of the things I’m really living for.

Thanks for thanksgiving so that I can thank the things I’m thanking.

Thanks to Blogger for letting me waste my time and other people’s time by writing crap. :)

Maitree...[continued]

So here we go: day 3.

Because of all those riots and curfew and everything we didn't even know till morning whether we'd be continuing with the fest or not, but thankfully it was on and all the schools which were participating turned up as well, so Maitree was back in full swing.
Day 3 first event was UN Mock Parliment. It was pretty good. Xaviers were USA and they kept getting attacked by all the other countries and as is customary in UN Mock, there was pretty much a full-scale fight on stage which was actually entertaining. And the screen did some good work. St.James represented Israel and their delegates were named Sheikh Zeeshan and Sheikh Arsalan! (Its been ages since I last had biriyani - wuaaaaaaaaah!) :(

After that was the medley where the teams kept accusing each other of cheating and other than that there isn't much worth mentioning about that except that we came first and James came 2nd.

Mock video was pretty good. All were good except for BHS which sucked.

And then - Western music. The one event we'd all been waiting for.
It started with St.James and I think they played Last Kiss by Pearl Jam and Highway Star by Deep Purple. Xaviers were REALLY REALLY good - they did Creep by Radiohead, Joker and the Thief by Wolfmother and Fear fo the Dark by Iron Maiden and then there was a mind blowing guitar and keyboard solo. WHEW!
And then came our band. We played good ol Joker and the Thief ans School of Rock. We really rocked! Whew...I would've written a LOT more but I'm tired of writing now..

We all got chocolates in school today to celebrate the success of Maitree. And there's also a prom night at Venom(They call it batch bight but prom sounds way beter!) to mark teh end of Maitree. Too bad I couldn't go. :( I would have liked to. I guess I'll go next year. I'll hafta get hold of a guy by then :P.

Heh - I've written enough I think. Can't say how long before my next post. :P

Maitree 2007!!

Maitree 2007 ended today and even though I'm really really sad it ended, I'm really really happy it was a great success despite all the riots and poilitical disturbances in the city. These two days have been probably the best days I have spent at MHS. It's something I'll never forget. It rocked, it really did. But now everythingz gonna go back to normal. :(

So the onstage events kicked off yesterday. First event was quiz and I think CGS won followed by LMG. Quiz wasn't too bad, but a lot of the questions were really obscure and stuff. So anyway.
Next event was eastern music. And I was in it.
We practised day and night for it. Seriously. WHEW! And it was a succes. Actually, I think we got the pointz coz we were doing something pretty unique. We did a medley of taranas based on three different raags - Behaag followed by Arhana followed by Kalavati. They went together perfectly well. And we had a group of 7 including Rajshree on the flute and me on the tabla and that was something very different - using a flute in classical music. It really was very good. We had little instrumental bridges between the raags which were played on the flute- basically they were for the transitions. Arhana really was good. I got to play some pretty cool stuff with it on the tabla. :) I mean we just went out there and gave it our best and had a great time. :)
But apparently the mics weren't too good and we sounded wierd coz of the sound system but WE CAME 2ND!!!! YIPPIEEEE!!! And all the judges were very happy with the flute and tabla ans stuff, so YIPPIEEEEEE again!! :)
Xaviers came 1st in eastern music and I think they really did deserve it coz they did pure classical with a tanpura and it was more or less flawless. As for the other participants, St.James and St.Lawrence, they got their guitars and drums and practically played metal out there for eastern music. James did Bheegi Bheegi and Lawrence did some bangla rock song originally by Lakkhichara. They played REALLY WELL, but I think it was pretty inappropriate playin rock when you were supposed to do Indian classical or atleast folk.
(Oh, but the bassist from St.Lawrence had a really sexy blue bass - dunno why everyone found it ugly.)

So there you go. Next event was (I think) ad-jingle. It was HILARIOUS. Basically each school was given a product to endorse and they had to make ads to endorse it. MHS's product was a broom and they used this girl's hair to sweep the floor. The best was St.Lawrence. They had to endorse a mosquito coil and there was this guy dressed in black who was the 'mosquito' and he kept buzzing and making wierd flapping movements. :P That was really funny. James had to endorse a safety pin and there was this guy with *ahem* extensive lateral dimensions who danced around on stage - it was pretty funny. And Xavierz had to endorse a shoe horn or something and they did a total Sholay spoof which was ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. There was a guy dressed up as Basanti even! So basically the whole ad-jingle had us in splits.

Next came the dance. We came first in that and I forgot who came 2nd, but I think it must have been St.Lawrence. St.Lawrence was the first to perform and they danced brilliantly and got everyone in the audience on thier feet as well! I think that was the best. Our school did good fusion but I think Xaviers was the best. Their's was actually pretty random but they moved like, whoa! These people KNOW how to dance. I mean I really don't much fancy guys dancing but after watching Xaviers perform I've changed my mind completely(Though maybe that was because the lead dancer was extremely good-looking). ;) Oh, and best part was when they just jumped off stage and got up on the chairs on the first row and started doing the bhangra. (Looks like Jumping off stage is a trademark thing for Xaviers - they did that for western music as well).

So anyway, that was the end of day one. More about Maitree coming up in my next post. As of now I'm starving and I must go eat.

[Oh damn I can't think of a title!!]

I'm actually feeling marginally happier today. :)

After a long time I finally got an opportunity to cook breakfast! So I took out my old yellow apron with carrots which were supposed to be embroidered on it(but I hadn't embroidered them and had ended up gettin a D in SUPW as usual) and it tastes pretty good! I think I should cook more often. :)

And then I ACTUALLY studied physics. It's not that bad actually after you get over the initial phobia of getting those fat books out and opening them. Though of course, thermodynamics is MUCH easier than mechanics and stuff and is less scarier. You just need to know a bit of integration. Well, I dunno, SUCCESSFULLY doing problems involving calculus makes me feel all cool and grown up and stuff! :P

I managed to invent enough chords for "But It Rained" to satisfy me and I managed to play and sing My Immortal PERFECTLY yesterday!

As of now, I'm gonna go and read 'The Seven Dials Mystery' by Agatha Christie.
Tataz!

Blah

It's always such a headache thinking of titles to posts.
I don't know why I'm so down today...so demented. I shouldn't be sad. Why should I be sad?
It's Diwali. Life is supposed to be filled up with light.
Dunno, but for me it bloody well isn't.

I don't get why the hell I'm writing here. Its just that I haven't been this depressed in ages...And I don't really know why I am. It's so fuckin frustrating...
I mean I was actually able to write a poem.

Maybe its because no one will go to watch Bhool Bhulaiyya with me so I can't go. but I never really cared much about movies.
Maybe its because I have a math test the day school reopened. But it can't be coz I don't care about tests anymore.
Maybe its because ALLl my friends are acting wierd...Maybe its because of something I've don...I dunno what. I hate it like this.
Maybe its because my brother is playin excessively happy tunes on my synth.
I bloody hate my life.

I'm tired of playing My Immortal over and over again till it makes me so sad I could cry.
I'm tired of singing But It Rained over and over again in the bathroom and going to the bathroom just to do that. And I'm tired of trying to invent chords for it coz I'm tired of using the conventional ones.
I'm tired of wishing everyone a Happy Diwali coz I'm not happy at all.
I'm tired of all the firecrackers and the smoke and all of it coz I don't feel the light anywhere.
I'm tired of pretending to have a great time partying with people I barely know.
I'm tired of not knowing why I'm sad.
I'm tired of people cold shouldering me god knows why and I'm not the type to hang around where I'm not wanted or forcing people to talk when they don't want to.
I' m tired of having to solve everyone's problems.
I'm tired of being treated like a storehouse of everyone's secrets. I don't know why people just come and tell me the things they do.
I'm tired of people with their artificial lives all wrecked up coming and asking me to fix it for them.
I'm tired of being bad at physics.
I'm tired of walking around alone all the time. I won't be doing that for some time coz I guess it dements me...

I'm tired of it all....

Once Again

Once again I walked alone
Down that empty road drowned in darkness
But even the trees didn't whisper this time

That creepy black cat was still there
Staring at me with its green eyes
Searching me
Not that it could

I walked alone still
Through the dark road, like a zombie
I don't know why I went there again

That damn road
That graveyard of memories
Once again I remembered things I thought I never would
And once I again I wondered why I was there, remembering
For a moment, once again, I wished I hadn't walked there
But once again, I loved the feeling of drowning in my mind.

Once again I looked at the sky
Again I felt all alone in this endless world
But once again, I thought of you
And once again, I wished you were there, walking by my side....

UFO!!!!!!!

A UFO sighting. Here. In India. In Kolkata.

It was a usual boring old evening. Actually more boring than usual. VERY VERY boring evening. Like the type of evenings you don't feel like doing anything at all, but wish you could do something. Well anyway, I suddenly got a phone call from the master of bhatt-bokofying, Neo. And he said something about a UFO sighting and I thought he had started with his usual crap. But I turned on the TV and there it was - A live video of the UFO sighting on Star Ananda. Turned out he was right.

It was a bright green glowing fireball in the eastern sky which kept changing colour and shape - it turned blue and red and then green again. AND it was disc-shaped, but turned into a triangle and then into a straight line.
They had this scientist guy on the show who discussed theories about what it could really be. He talked about a theory that accounted for its shape changing.

Imagine a slightly flattened cone. If you look at it from the botton[The cross section I mean], it looks like a disc.
If you look at it upright it looks like a triangle.
If you tilt it to the flattened part, it'll look like a line.

Well, anyway, I decided to investigate myself. So armed with the mini-telescope my dad bought me when I was five years old, I went into the field[pity our terrace isn't open].

And I didn't need to look. There it was, glowing VIVID green with rapid flashes of blue and yellow red. It was bigger than any of the stars and was glowing EXTREMELY bright. This had to be what they were talking about. And sure enough, it was hovering in the eastern sky. Thrilled by my findings, I ran home and reported my findings to my friends. Neo ran off to the terrace(with binoculars and laptop and guitar and pillows in tow) to investigate too. And the rest of them just didn't believe me. Naturally.

I went down again....It seemed to have moved pretty far up in the last 10 minutes. Then I began to witness some of the wierdest phenomena I've ever seen.
The object began to move FAST, in an irregular manner. Kinda like a pendulum. More zig-zag actually. I've never seen anything in the sky move like that.
And Neo said the same thing so I couldn't have been imagining it. I mean you'd have to be pretty thick to imagine stuff like that.

The next half an hour or so went in frenzied phone calls reporting our latest observations. Neo claimed he could clearly see it with his binoculars changing shape - the saucer, the triangle and then the vertical line. High time I got my telescope.

I wasn't allowed to go out, but fortunately I got a pretty good view from a bedroom window. I climbed out onto the windowsill practically hanging on for life [:P] - One look down and I would've fallen three floors down! I managed to focus the telescope.
And there it was, a perfect saucer. I guess people won't believe me but if that wasn't a flying saucer, Einstein was a dumbass.

I clearly saw a saucer - it was glowing yellow in the middle, surrounded by blue and green...
Neo called to say he'd seen it too. A flying saucer...a real flying sacuer. And it was moving fast. Again in that wierd zig-zag way. It was around 1:00 am. The object moved so much that I couldn't see it from that window anymore, but I could now see it from the living room window. It seemed to be retreating. It moved higher and higher, but it was still as bright as it was before.

Now my neck was aching from looking up so long in wierd positions and the mosquitos were feasting on me so I decided to go to bed and wake up at 4 and have a look.
So after the last phone report I went to bed, while Neo stayed on his terrace playing the guitar. :P

Some adventure.

UNFORTUNALTEY I couldn't wake up at four, but this is what Neo saw:
A clearly defined saucer, much closer than it was before. It was changing colour rapidly, and was moving vertically upward. Northwest, actually. And then it melted into the light....



Some of our inferences:

1. It was DEFINITELY not a star. I've observed stars before and they DO NOT change colour and shape, are not saucer shaped and don't move that rapidly in wierd paths.

2. It was probably not an asteroid because it was way too close. When I saw it for the first time, the sky was pretty cloudy and other stuff in the sky could barely be seen, but the UFO was glowing bright as hell. We know that clouds lie in the troposphere. Planes fly in the stratosphere, above the troposphere to avoid clouds. But even with a cloudy sky, this could be seen. Which means the object was below cloud level...meaning that it was close as hell....

3. It was definitely not a comet or a meteor coz they move across the sky and not just sit around for hours and hours.


Our guess is that it's still in the sky, but we can't see it because of the sun. Going up was pretty intelligent on its part coz if it was hanging low in the horizon the same way it was at night then even in the sunlight it would have been clearly visible, like a bird, so it would be easier to spot and study as it would be the only thing visible in the sky. So we guess if it really was a maneuvered machine, human or alien, it purposely rose higher to avoid detection.

Probably it was rising only vertically and not horizontally and the apparent westward movement could have been because of the earth's rotation from west to east. And this seems to be a pretty plausible explanation because we saw that in spite of its erratic movement, the UFO seemed to be moving westward regularly, which was probably because of the earth's rotation.

*************************************************************************
So what was it really....?

Here are some theories.
We call it the Piggy-Mousy theory... :P

First of all, this saucer would have needed enough fuel to stay airborne for hours and hours and hours, AND emit light, changing colour rapidly. We clearly saw it changing shape, and if we assume that the shape-shifting theory as suggested by the scientist on Star Ananda is true, it will also need to flip and turn RAPIDLY in mid air.
Also, even from where we were watching it, it seemed to be moving pretty fast.
In the morning, it was moving upwards rapidly, as if it was being cleverly maneuvered away upwards, as if to escape notice in the daylight.
The object was evidently moving against gravity, as if powered by a force to neutralize the effect of gravity.
I don't think it would be possible to build such a thing with all known human technology.


This was the first UFO sighting in India. It made headlines. So you'd expect the concerned authorities would investigate, right? Even the air traffic control detected it. Even for the sake of violating air traffic laws it should have been investigated, right? I mean you'd think they'd atleast keep a radar watch on the night sky!
So why are they pretending nothing happened?
The reasons could be:
1. They don't know. Which is evidently not true because BITM and Star Ananda know.
2. They don't care. And that doesn't make any sense at all - everyone is so excited about it. For the SETI it would be like a dream come true, coz they spend all their lives searching for evidence more trivial than this.
3. They know what it is but they don't want the public to know for fear of national panic.

Could this possibly be a repition of the Roswell Incident?

Maybe there really could be aliens out there...watching....
Will we ever find out?

Anyway, it was quite an adventure...from hanging from the windowsill with a telescope to phone calls till 3:00 am and discussing theories non-stop....After all, you don't get to see UFOz every day!!

Fashion

Fashion. Wierd thing it is. Some make sense, some don't.
You see people all over the place trying to be 'fashionable' by wearing clothes they call 'fashionable', but end up looking downright hideous! You need to know what suits you. And you need ORIGINALITY.

Here are some of the fashion phases we've been through (and still are going through)..

1. Skirts:
You have all kinds of them : short ones, long ones, flared ones, straight cuts, blah blah.
They actually look good provided you know what type to wear. I quite liked those gypsy skirts(I think that's what they were called) - the flared type, but they were rather too long and flouncy for me to handle so I didn't end up wearing much of them. So there I have around 6 or 7 long flared skirts lying in my wardrobe for a couple of centuries. :P
The denim skirts were good. The short pleated ones are a favourite.

2. Jeans:
OK, they're actually too boring to write about.

3. Cargoes:
Yeah! More my type! They're baggy and have plenty of pockets, and are extremely comfortable. They're punk. Though you can make them look feminine with a nice lacey pink or white top or something. Not a bad combination. I believe in unconventional clothes. :P

4. Dresses: They're supposedly really 'in' now. Designers claim that a dress will suit every body, but I don't really think so.....But it is true that you have a wide variety of them. There was this girl that day who wore a black dress with white polka dots, but her figure didn't go at all well with it and she ended up looking like some enormous blob of black matter. :P
So I mean, you may think something might look really pretty on you but as I said, you may end up looking disgusting.

I don't have much time left right now as I have to rush off to a jam session, but I'll finish off with a particular cutting I've rather taken to. It's the empire line. I hated them until an aunt gifted me one and I ended up looking quite nice. Best thing about empire lines are that they make you look thinner(umm...well, actually I'm not sure) and they give you curves in the right places and make you NOT look like a *straight line* and give you some proper dimensions. :P
And if you already have *proper dimensions* , all the better! Sexy things!

I would have written a lot more about unconventional fashion, but I have to rush off, so I'll leave that for another post.

Asta Lavista!!

Durga puja!!

So Durga Puja is over. Too bad I fell sick. I would've liked to go pandal hopping, but I enjoyed it all the same.
The puja in our complex was pretty good. On saptami our band played and they did play pretty well. But they did the same old typical songs - Yellow and Black Velvet and stuff, but it was still pretty good. They had a guest bassist who was excellent [totally sexy guitar he had - it was light purple!! :) ] and they ended with 'Another brick in the wall' and we all sang along.
And the keyboardist was excellent.



One of the things I like best about Durga Puja is the way not only bengalis, but people from all different communities come together to celebrate. Shows how cosmopolitan Calcutta is becoming.

And Bijoya Dashami. You get this empty feeling when you realize the Pujas are finally over - AND you have to get back to work.

So we danced like crazy to the beats of the dhak and the tempo kept increasing. And all of us girls got together in a cricle and danced around and suddenly all the boys came running like a herd of bulls and they got into our circle and started doing some sort of a wierd one-legged dance and after they'd gotten tired of hopping around on one leg they got into our circle and started dancing around with us. And the steps got wilder and wilder and wierder and wierder and in the end I guess we were doing some sort of a bhangra mixed with tap dancing mixed with kathakali and dandiya and Assamese tribal dance...WHEW! Some scene...but we rocked it anyway!! :D
I haven't danced like that in ages!!
Anyway, ASCHE BOCHOR ABAR HOBE!!!!!!!

And Shubho Bijoya to everyone and hope all of you, like me are subjected to the torture of being force fed rosogollaz (and other torturous sweets) wherever you go.

Holidays!!

So my exams are FINALLY over. Three weeks of total torture completely over.
Surprisingly, I seem to have so much to do during exams(other than studying) and after exams I have nothing to do. Yeah, I mean I'm bored enough to blog. And when I'm blogging out of boredom its usually crap I write.
Before exams I have so many plans about what to do after exams. But after exams I forget all that and I just waste time doing crappy things and then when exams approach again I sit wonder why I hadn't done all that the last time my exams had ended.(OK I know this sounds like shit)

OK, so that was all the boring stuff.
I mean maybe not all of it. :P

I love Durga Puja in Kolkata. Though it was a lot of fun in Bangalore too. We had a community Puja and I had a whole group of friends there and it was fun. We used to have all these programs. I remember we used to do a lot of dance dramas. My music teacher used to organize one every year. We'd practice right from 9 in the morning to like 9 at night. We got good food though. :P
And then on the day of the program the whole troupe would have a party. Almost. Though I feel I've kinda grown out of all that. I haven't danced for ages... It would be nice to be in a dance drama again.

Oh, and then the Puja. At any rate, it felt more like a puja there. Here everything is always so crowded and chaotic. I think here the stress is more on how ornate your pandals are and all that. Not that I'm complaining of course. At first I was really surprised at all these pandal competitions and stuff. But yeah, I enjoyed it. It was a whole new experience for me going 'pandal hopping' all over the city in the middle of the night. And then stopping at 1:00 am to eat biriyani!

So let me see what heppens this year. I did have a lot of plans before the exams as to what exactly I was going to do during the holidays, but I've forgotten all that.
Oh, first of all I need to read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Can't believe I haven't read it yet.

OK, I'm still pretty bored and I have some time befor my music teacher truns up and blogging is more productive than srufing the net for gothic pictures so I'll write some more.

My bio practical exams were cool. The food tests were so beautiful I didn't want to clean the test tubes. There was one test with this really pretty shade of pinkish lavender. Don't know how to describe the colour. But it was beautiful anyway. And then there was this wierd shade of sky blue and this other really beautiful aquamarine blue. And my saponification test was beautiful too. I wish I could've taken a picture of those test tubes. :D

Enough crappy ranting...

Photos

That's what I do during chemistry classes.




What I do during physics classes.




Rain. It's been raining for like 3 days continuously and the place outside my house looks like a river. I thought this would be a nice scene to photo. I like the lights reflected in the water.

Her Last Sign

That dream long gone
That diary with yellowed pages
That little road with an archway of dark trees
That dark old corner, the grave of thoughts

That old tree
Haunted by her memories
The ever silent lake
The song of the wind
Only she can hear
Her bare footprints on the sand
Her only sign

The rain that dark afternoon
The wet cherry tree
The blurred window
Looking out to a dream world
Her fingers tracing his name
On the frosted windowpane.

That sunset one summer
The light of which never faded in her mind
Their linked shadows
Cast by the crimson sun
That silent kiss
It lingered still

That night by the lake
Ghostly moonlit shadows
That black rose
Still not withered
Her black hair swept by the storm
A single tear, frozen by the bitter wind
That song
Her last sign

Complicated

Complicated. Everything has to be so complicated.
Somtimes I wish I could live a nice normal uncomplicated life with nice, normal uncomplicated people and nice normal uncomplicated things happening.
But unfortunately, life isn't life normal and uncomplicated.
All the wierdest things ever happen to me.
And to my friends.
And I guess that's because we are wierd people.
And I like the wierdness but I'm aslo tired of it. Now.
I've learnt the truth of the saying that reality is sometimes more bizarre than the truth.
Things you read in stories and things you never imagine could happen suddenly seem to happen. To you.
I've learnt that it's impossible to label most relationships. Every relationship is a complex mixture of everything. And I guess we like it that way. Relationships without names are the most beautiful ones.
There is so much that hurts you, and you think you're over it, but deep down you realize that there are some things you can never be completely 'over'. Though you forget, there are times when old memories you thought you'd lost come back to haunt you.
And then sometimes you wish something never happened, but later you realize it was one of the best things that ever happened to you.
And then there are those little hidden details in the life of every person, that remain secrets forever...

More poetry

This is a poem written by my friend Arunima.

MY HEART WILL GO ON....
Though we are not together,
In my mind we are
Though I haven't seen you
You're always hidden inside me
Though you never showed your feelings
Still, I can feel them
Though there is no music in the bond now,
The strings are still alive
And whenever you wanted to say you're mine
I felt that you are a part of my soul
Thought there is silence now,
Still the silence has its own way of saying something
Which can only be heard by this heart in disguise
And thus in disguise, it longs for the return.....
Which perhaps will lead it nowhere
But still the hope says.....go on.

Time

Time a funny thing.
It's wierd how time seemed to pass so slowly when you want it to rush, and so fast when you want it to stop.
It's wierd how things that happened ages and ages ago come to your mind vivid and clear, just like yesterday, but incidents that happened just a few days ago get washed away from your mind, and cant seem to come back however hard you try.
They say time heals.
But there are wounds time can't erase.
Time passes by, and so do memories, feelings, hopes.
Time moves on. And so does life.

Rebecca

This is some of the most beautiful writing I've ever read. I'm not usually into reading romantic novels, but Rebecca seems really amazing. It's very 'ME'. Actually I haven't read the whole book, but the thing I like most about it is the beautiful wildness it's got. OK, wierd way to describe it, but I can't find any other words for it. :P
So for the first time, I'm putting up stuff that I haven't written.

Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again. It seemed to me I stood by the iron gate leading to the drive, and for a while I could not enter, for the way was barred to me. There was a padlock and a chain upon the gate. I called in my dream to the lodge keeper, and had no answer, and peering close through the rusted spokes of the gateI saw that the lodge was uninhabited.

No smoke came from the chimney, and the little lattice windows gaped forlorn. Then, like all dreamers, I was possessed of a sudden with supernatural powers and passed like a spirit throught the barrier before me. The drive wound away in front of me, twisting and turning as it had always done. ........... . The woods, always a menace in the past, had triumphed in the end. They croded, dark and uncontrolled, to the borders of the drive. The beeches with white, naked limbs leant close to one another, their branches intermingled in a strange embrace.....



Well, actually I don't have time to type out any more, even though the parts after this are wilder and more beautiful. These were just the first two paragraphs.
It's beautiful. Just beautiful.

Some nice stuff I found

Music Icons

Dreams are real.

Dreams do come true.

So this is the first time I'm writing a story like this. In fact, its the first time I'm posting any story at all.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


They both were walking down a crowded street. She took a deep breath. "Can I talk to you?", she asked him, pulling him to the side. He was wearing a brownish hooded jacket with a dragon on it.
"*blah/blah/blah/blah*.. and then SJ said she'd made a big mistake ever agreeing to go out with him....yeah, what were you saying??"
She looked into his eyes for a second and looked away again. He looked too. "...I think I've fallen in love with you..."

"WAKE UP YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!!!"

She sat up in bed, shaking uncontrollably. The seeming reality of her dream scared her. She rubbed her eyes - her face was wet. Completely wet. It had seemed so real. So real....
She went into the bathroom and looked at the reflection of her tear stained face. She cried some more. She thought about the dream. Maybe it would come true. The question was when.
She realized thoughts such as these had been lurking in the depths of her subconsious mind. She'd never conciously thought of them.

Maybe it's high time....high time I did this, she thought. But I don't think I'm ready for it, she thought as she washed her face.
Dreams happen for a reason. Maybe this was a signal, that this was the right time.
She'd been waiting forever. Atleast it seemed like forever.
But the decision she made terrified her. How it would happen was the question...
She thought of her best friend ZY...she would always be there to help. ZY would be the happiest person ever to see this.

The busy day passed. Her mind was too occupied with life's mundane details to be able to think of her dream. Something she was grateful for. It seemed so trivial now.

She met them in the evening and told ZY about her dream, even though, at the moment it didn't really seem too important.
"We're gonna make it come true", said ZY. "Today".
"TODAY!!??? What???? I can't, I can't possibly do this!!"
"Its high time girl.....You've been in the dark too long....I'll make it happen. Today.", said ZY.
"Lets see what happens", she said.
And she realized what ZY said was true. She'd been hiding too long. She wanted to get over with it. She tried to plan it out but her mind wouldn't let her think about it.

She looked over at him. He wasn't wearing the same shirt he was in her dream. It was his usual black, not brown. Maybe it wasn't her day, she thought. ZY saw her looking and smiled.
They fooled around as usual. Joking, laughing, cursing the teacher...there wasn't any time for serious thought. She didn't want the serious thought.

They were invited to ZY's house that day. She told ZY again, "I don't see how I'm gonna do this."
"My terrace is magical. Believe me...something is going to happen today..."
"I hope..", she said.

She thought silently. She thought of everything they had been through together. All the times he'd stood by her. All the times he'd confided in her. All the fun they'd had together. All the intese feeling, that had appeared she didn't know when. She didn't realize she was so much in love. ZY was the one who made her realise.
She remembered the past few weeks. It had been a crazy ride. Pain, sorrow, insanity and then an overwhelming happiness. She'd felt it all. And ZY had been through it all with her.

She realized, at that moment, that this was what she really wanted.

She knew from experience that things can never be planned. They just happen. So for once, she didn't plan. She went with the flow, enjoying every moment of the mad fun they always had, just like everyone else.

There they were, at ZY's house. He didn't want to go up to the terrace, but she and ZY managed to drag him up there.
ZY was right.

It was beautiful. She looked up at the cloudy black sky. It was so peaceful, so serene. There were clouds so she couldn't see all the stars. They could see the whole city from up there - the lights from all the houses around made up for the starless sky. The golden moon seemed to smile down at them. They felt at one with the heavens. Here they were, at a place they could forget everything and just be themselves....

The three of them stood , looking out at the dark stretch of trees that never seemed to end. He and ZY stood on either side of her, chatting away. Something about the atmosphere made her unable to speak.

She stood there silently, looking down outside. Thinking. ZY knew what. ZY knew why. He didn't. Or maybe he did....
She tried to say something but she couldn't. She seemed to be lost in another world. She could just feel them standing next to her. And she knew they'd always be there...
"Hey, how come you're so quiet all of a sudden"?, he asked. She shook her head. He knew her well enough.
"She's thinking again. She thinks a lot sometimes...", he said. ZY didn't say anything. But she saw the tears in her eyes.

She didn't know where the tears came from. But there they were, rolling down her face. ZY hugged her. ZY knew. "What's the matter?" he asked. She shook her head again.
She was crying. She couldn't stop the tears. She cried not because of the pain, but because the pain was leaving her. Its was going - she'd be happy now.
He put his arms around her. She couldn't see, she could hear nothing but her sobs. She could just feel him...so close. And they didn't want to let go. That was the closest she'd ever been to anyone. She felt ZY's arm around her too.

She cried and cried her heart out. She had never cried this way before. Never. No one had ever seen her cry. He held her close and stroked her hair. She couldn't stop...
"Don't cry....tell me what happened"..
He was wet with her tears.
"Go on..." said ZY.
She tried to speak. It was the most difficult thing she had ever done in her life. She gathered all her courage, every little bit of determination she had.
And she knew she was ready.
Shee looked up at him for a second. The one person she loved with all her heart, the one person she could give up everything for, the one she saw when she closed her eyes, the insane feeling wouldn't leave. But her tears and her messed up hair wouldn't let her see.
".....I've fallen in love with you..."
The world seemed to break apart. The angels surrounded them, filling the air with their ethereal light, invisible to all but them. It all felt so peaceful, but so intense....the emotions can't be expressed in words. She was happier than she'd ever been in her life. She cried for joy. And she knew he was smiling. Maybe he'd known all along...
She could feel nothing else. She could feel him hugging her, and nothing else mattered.
ZY too had tears in her eyes. "I'm so happy for you - "...she hugged them both.

"But I wish I'd told him.....", said ZY, as she began to cry too. Love is painful.
"You two are so lucky....I wish I'd told him.....We'd been up her so many times but I never had the courage to tell him...now he's gone....gone.....And I know I'll never be able to fall in love again..."
"He'll come back. Tell him. Don't worry. He'll come back", he said.
"What if he doesn't? I'll never be able to tell him..."said ZY.
"You will. If I can do it, you can too", she said to ZY smiling, even though there were tears running down her face.
"I will. Just like you did today." And ZY smiled. "I love you all. I love you both...you're the best friends anyone can ever have"
"We love you too, ZY", he said, holding her hand.

She hugged ZY and they all hugged again. It was the most wonderful moment ever. The three best friends. They'd always be there for each other.
"She really loves you so much...", said ZY.

"Don't cry anymore!! It must be looking so wierd, the three of us all huddled up on the terrace, crying", he said, laughing. She laughed too. And after what seemed an eternity, they broke apart.

She wiped her tears away. She looked at him and then at ZY, and they smiled.
"Chuck Norris jokes, anyone?", he said.

It was time for a talk. Though as usual, he and ZY did most of the talking. Every single thing that had been happening now fitted in place. He understood. Understood everything.

She looked up at the sky again. The moon seemed to shine extra bright.

"We're going to remain friends forever", he said. ZY and she agreed. And for once, they all really meant it.
"May our bond never break", said ZY.
They all knew it never would.

That was one of the happiest days in her life.

Dreams do come true. And it's us who make them come true.

***********************************************************

So that is more or less the end of my story. Sounds quite common, but I still wanted to write it. The wierdest part was the dream and the entire dream scene being almost re-enacted. That's what struck me the most. It was in fact, the dream which made her tell him. If she hadn't had the dream, she probably wouldn't have thought of carrying this any further. It really is wierd how things happen....

Some more photos

[I've deleted the other photos that were there]




FEET! Belonging to Anushka, Arunima, Preeti and Ankita.

Random pictures.

OK. I know I suck at photography so I don't really need any more comments on that. :P


The Devil Incarnate. :P


Sleep.








More outside...

Blueness!!

It seems to be a 'blue' day for me. All I see is blue everywhere.
I got a blue bag, a blue wallet, another blue bag, a blue keychain, two pairs of blue earrings and two blue necklaces as birthday presents. The were sesky. =D
I gifted Anushka blue nailpolish.
The cover of that Concepts of Physics by H.C. Verma lying on my table is blue.
That textbook of Organic Chemistry I'm 'studying' from(Well, actually It's more for showing off than studying :P) is blue.
The chemistry book I'm ACTUALLY studying from is also blue.
Anushka and Ruvlina wore blue.
My diary is blue.
My school bag is blue.
The sky outside was blue.
The 'Save now' button at the bottom of this page is blue.
The whole Windows theme is blue.
My shirt has little blue designs on it.
My shorts are navy blue.
The links on Wikipedia are navy blue.
The dustbin is blue.
The dictionary is blue.


Well, I could go on, but I think it's getting monotonous. :P
So I better scoot! I have a massive test on organic chemistry so I better go back to studying from that blue book of mine.

Cheerio!

[I'm in a kinda jumpy mood today].

In my head

A wild dream
An escaping scream
A bed of roses
And thorny bushes
The emotions flow
They just wont go
A war in my mind
Leaving my senses behind

The simple pleasures

Walking down a deserted street alone...or otherwise.
Counting the stars in the sky.
Sitting by the car window, passively watching the world pass by you.
Dreaming. Dreaming. And dreaming some more.
Writing.
Playing the piano.
Sleeping.
Curling up on a rainy day with an old book you've read so many times.
Smiling.
Laughing out loud like there's no tomorrow.
Eating chocolate.
Watching cats sleep.
Smelling roses.
Watching sunset.

A few of life's simple pleasures...just a few.

Photos....breathe again.

These are some very beautiful photos my cousin took on his Gangtok trip. There are so many more but I can't possibly post them all...Enjoy. :)




Black n white...

Water and ice.

Snow falling through the dark sky.


Peace...


Far across the distance..

Nymphetamine

While I was cleaning out my table I found an old scrap of paper with the lyrics of the song Nymphetamine by Cradle of Filth, along with my school time table, a few sums on vectors and numerous smileys.

Neo thinks I should listen to more death metal(according to him, death metal is totally 'tailor-made' for me - sexy synthesizers, black nailpolish). So he made me listen to Nymphetamine and wrote down the lyrics to that song while we were supposed to be doing problems on vectors like normal, sane people.

I really liked the song. It's got a haunting video, intense lyrics and a very gothic feel to it, so it actually does suit me pretty well. :)

It's surprising how little things suddenly bring back whole memories. And this is one of the most hilarious.

I remember, that day after he'd written the lyrics we started discussing wierd time travel theories [made by us, of course] and actually proved them using laws made by perfectly sane scientists [POOR EINSTEIN!!].. So finally we came to the conclusion that one could go back into another dimension by wearing a helmet AND that the bottle of water on the dining table was from some prehistoric age and may contain dissolved fossilized ruins of prehistoric insects, or from the future, in which case it was full of nuclear pollutants. And my father naturally thought we'd gone completely mad.

That sure was fun!

And then of course, tuning the guitar. It happened to be friday the thirteenth and Neo and I were trying to tune his guitar with his new digital tuner. We didn't really know how to use it so after messing around with it for a long time, we finally managed to learn how to use it. Talk about unlucky. We tried to get a G for about an hour but we ALWAYS ended up with F# or an A!! That was SO FRUSTRATING!! And it was the same case with the rest of the strings. So we gave up and tried playing Hotel California with the untuned guitar, but it sounded pretty horrendous. Though in the end we did manage to tune it.

Anyway, I'm listening to Nymphetamine after a long time....
Here are the lyrics.

Laid to the river
Midsummer, I waved
A "V" of black swans
On with hope to the grave
And though Red September
With skies fire-paved
I begged you appear
Like a thorn for the holy ones

Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain....
So I swore to the razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above onto me?
For once upon a time
On the binds of your loneliness
I could always find the slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision

Sunsetter...
Nymphetamine

Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To Her alone in full submission

None better...
Nymphetamine

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
Nymphetamine girl.

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
My Nymphetamine girl.

Wicked with your charm
I'm circled like prey
Back in the forest
Were whispers persuade
More sugar trails
More white lady laid
Than pillars of salt...
(keeping Sodom at at bay)

Fold to my arms
Hold their message away
And dance out to the moon
As we did in those golden days

Christening stars
I remember the way
We were needle and spoon
Mislaid in the burning hay

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above onto me?
For once upon a time
On the binds of your loneliness
I could always find the slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision

Sunsetter...
Nymphetamine

Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To Her alone in full submission

None better...
Nymphetamine

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
Nymphetamine girl.

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
My Nymphetamine girl.

My Happy Ending.....

Beginning, rather.

A happy ending to a....well...not-so happy phase. And a happy new beginning. I'm loving life right now. I'm completely on top of the world. My life has taken a bright turn.

Happy endings can never be planned. Things just happen. You keep dreaming about how you want your happy ending to be - all the details, everything...But of course, things don't turn out the way you expect them. My happy ending wasn't exactly what I thought it would be, but it was very close.

Sometimes I really wish I could just relive that moment again. I was so oblivious with intense joy that I forgot what it really felt like. I was in a haze, everything around me seemed to disappear [Though that was probably because I didn't have my glasses on]....I couldn't see my friends smiling, but I knew they were. I knew it was one of their happiest moments too. What they'd been working for so hard had really paid off. I was in a dream.
I so wish I could feel it all again....just for the sake of remembering.

But I guess one can't have everything. But still, I'm happy.

So it looks like this is the end of my poem-writing phase as well. I've been trying really hard to write a nice happy poem to end it off properly, but I've failed miserably. I'm still trying hard, though! I really liked those poems I wrote. Even if no one else did. I mean, thinking of it now, what kind of a sane [relatively] person would like them? I realized only now how demented they ACTUALLY are. I can't believe I wrote them. Now it seems as if the last few weeks never happened....

So I'm on totally on cloud 9! I turned 16 yesterday. And I had an amazing party. The K.I.N.D is back. 'Sweet sixteen', eh? ;)

And this is the song that's been running in my head -

Truly, Madly, Deeply - Savage Garden
I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful
'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.


I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...

And when the stars are shining brightly
In the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish
Send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy
For all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded
By the comfort and protection of..
The highest power.
In lonely hours.
The tears devour you..
I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...
Bridge

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do...

Letting go.

I've let it all go
Once and for all
I don't feel any more pain
I hide no more
In my mind's dark depths
I've come out to face the light at the end of the tunnel.

I've let it all go
So it doesn't burn me anymore
I've found the peace I wanted
I am no more haunted


If it's over, let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday
I'm just a bird that's already flown away

Laugh it off let it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday
Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay


I've let go of you
Because there was nothing left to hold on to
You've torn yourself away from me
You're heart must be made of steel....
You've become a zombie
Who can't see, who can't feel


Thank you... you made my mind up for me
When you started to ignore me
Do you see a single tear
It isn't gonna happen here
At least not today, not today, not today


But I don't need your sight or feeling anymore
I used to say I don't care
Even though I really did
But now I really don't care
The feeling I had's all gone
Leaving me in peacefull bliss


If you're over me, I'm already over you
If it's all been done, what is left to do
How can you hang up if the line is dead
If you wanna walk, I'm a step ahead
If you're moving on, I'm already gone
If the light is off then it isn't on
At least not today, not today, not today

But I'll be there
If you want to come back
I'll be ready to welcome you
With open arms....

I've finally let go
You're in my mind no more
I've moved on, just like I should
Venturing into light

No more tears
No more pain
No more hopes to be broken again
No more darkness
No more sorrow
I no more shirk away from facing tomorrow...

Don't you feel..?

I hoped to see light again
But I've lost all hope now
I wished the sun would rise again
But for me, it'll always be dark

I wish I were still numb
I wish I couldn't feel
I wish the pain would go
I wish these wounds would heal

I've done all I could
I can say no more
Why do you hurt me like this?

Can't you see what you've done?
What are you, can't you feel?
Can't you see what you've done to me?
Are you blind to the pain?
Cold to the heart you've slain?
What have you become?
Why did you change?

Why did you change...

An end to my insanity
Is too much to hope for
I don't know why you did this
I don't know why you still do this

I know I've made mistakes
I try to set things right again
But you want to dwell in your old, cold world.
And I'm the one to blame

Can't you see?
Can't you feel?
All I want is the end
All I want is the old you, back again....

Friendship??

It's a wonderful thing...Everyone needs a friend.
When you're little, your best friend is the kid who sits beside you in class and shares your lunch.
Yyour best friend is the person you chase around your back yard and climb trees with.
And then you grow up...You realize friends mean more than just playmates. You learn to recognize people who really understand you. People you can share your secrets with. People you can trust. People you can gossip with. People you love, people you care about.
So that's what I think friendship is about.

They say a guy and a girl can't just be friends. And I never believed it was true. Life is never like it is in the movies - real life is way more complex. And somewhere in the way, feelings of friendship get mingled with love. And pretty often, people don't realize they're in love until its too late. And that's the saddest part. Maybe they're actually the same thing. Friendship is love. Love is friendship.

This is a tribute to all the friends I ever had throughout my life. So I'll take a walk down memory lane...

Esha, my first best friend. Co-founder of the 'Apple club' [yeah I still remember that]...That was way back in 1998. Doesn't seem that long though. I don't know where she is now, but I haven't forgotten her.

Sourav and Shahanaz - I remember we'd wake up at 6:00am to have cylce races....the nature club, the ghost stories, the old well in our backyard...I don't know what happened to them either.

Anita - My best friend since class 3, but we got shuffled in class 6 and got seperated. Our most memorable moments include listening to Backstreet Boys during lunch break and then of course, ghost stories..

Sai, Nisha, Swati, Aishwarya - I have so much to say, I could't possibly finish if I started, so I'll leave this for another post.

Anushka - My BESTEST friend!! Fellow freak, pianist, Tobey Maguire fan...I'll get carried away if I say anymore.
Arunima/Goru - The greatest advisor one can ever have.
Zomby - Needs no introduction.

Neo - My brother, best friend and about the only person who posesses the same type and same degree of wierdness I do! My partner in wierdness. :)
Deep - The completely MAD guy who makes life bright for me.
Rohan - "Welcome to the Hotel California"!!! :P One helluva rockin dude!! And one who never gets tired of playing Hotel California with me singin.

LOVE YOU ALL!!!

There are so many more, but if I start writing I'll never finish.
So this is all I want to say...

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!!

The Zomby and The Witch

This is a 'friendship day special' post.

'Against my will I stand beside my own reflection,
It's so haunting, How I can't seem
to find myslef again, my walls are closing in...'

The Zomby seemed like any other normal person....

The Witch looked and looked...and saw a reflection of herself staring back at her. She could see the image of herself in Zomby. And she knew Zomby saw her too. The same smile, the same mad glint, the same pain in her eyes...... The same laugh, the same scream, the same thoughts, the same feelings...
And that was the beginning of a blasting friendship.

Zomby is one of my best friends. She is my greatest secret keeper. She is about the only person who really understands me well, someone I can always depend on no matter what,someone I have stood by and someone who I know will stand by when the sky comes falling down. We have so much in common - we talk, laugh and think in the same way. We're even wierd in almost the same way! Really makes me think we must've been twins in our previous lives. ;)
She is my fellow-gossipper, advisor, counsellor, fashion consultant, fellow pschyco/wierdo and partner in crime. We complement each other.
We're the wierd sisters.

Thank you for all the great advice you've ever given me. Thank you always being there to listen to my endless crappy talks, and thanks for listening to my crappy advice. :P
From the non-stop phone conversations about love and life and its complexities to screaming at each other to study before exams, from laughing our heads off for god-knows what to crying our hearts out......'Sophisticated bitching' and 'sophisticated kaora' and 'sophisticated flirting'.. YEAH!!

We rock!!

Thankz a lot buddy!!
Heil the Zomby and the Witch forever!!

Darkness

It's all dark again...
I can't get this song out of my head. It's so haunting...Read the song and feel it.

MY IMMORTAL - EVANESCENCE

I'm so tired of being here.
Suppressed by all my childish fears.
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presents still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone.

These wounds won't seem to heal.
This pain to just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have...one me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating mind
Now I'm bounded by the life you left behind.
Your face it holds
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice has chased away
All of the sanity in me.

These wounds won't seem to heal.
This pain to just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years
but you still have...one me

I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
But though you're still with me I've been alone out of love.

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have...one me