Monday, 29 June 2015

The old and the new.

Reading my older blog posts I simply cannot believe the person I was and the person I am today.
It's not like don't relate to that person. But teenage to mid-twenties is an enormous change. It's nice to be able to see that change. Mid twenties. Almost. Wow am I old.

I cringe at the way I used to write. But I was young, innocent, exuberant. I still am, but I express very little. I write anything about myself and I think a hundred times before hitting 'publish' and more often than not, I don't. I felt everything deeply and passionately. Now I don't, at all. Do those few years really impact you so deeply that they turn you into who you are? Thinking back, maybe they do. Except when you're older you have more control over being who you want to be. Pain never lasts. You get over things you thought you never could. Time does heal everything. And then you think it's all gone, all over. But many years later, you wonder why you are like this and there it is - the answer. What you went through and what you chose to do when you were 16.

Change is natural of course. Change is great. The coolest thing is I still have this blog.

Tuesday, 2 June 2015


Stormy evenings are all the same.
Thunder and rain. Today, and seven, eight, nine years ago.
Here, or back home on the other side of the planet.

I wonder what happened to all the people I knew.
Those friends I texted all night on 11 Rupee SMS packs.
The best-friend-turned-girlfriend love stories I found so cute.
Dreaming of doing something great.
Becoming musicians and gypsies.
I guess you grow out of things mostly.

Rains were dark music and dreams.
What I was and what I wanted to be.
Wishing I smart like him, confident like her, fearless like her.

So many years later, so far away, the rain brings back the old dreams.
The people I looked up to, and wanted to be like, I wonder how they are now.
I see now that couldn't be like them.
But I don't need to anymore.
Because I am better than the random bits and pieces I wanted to put together.

I guess they have become who they wanted to be too.
I wonder who they are now.