Where it begins, it ends.
Everything dripping wet with memories.
The universe does not believe in perfection.

Freshers.

We couldn't have gotten a better freshers party. Really. And I NEVER imagined more than half the chemistry department were PRO DANCERS!

So freshers was fun. And I guess that after about 2 months, it really sunk in that I'm supposed to belong here. Somehow yesterday we were united by this sense of comradeship. It was inevitable I guess, but it was like magic. For the girls I guess fter going through the common ordeal of wearing a sari the whole day with frequent trips to the girls common room, it happens. And in general, the rest of the department made sure that all the ice was broken, not just with the seniors but within the class too. And the best part was that even though we were asked to do all kinds of things we cringed at the thought of, most of us were sporting enough to give it all our best and it was really a blast that way. We were all shocked into shedding our inhibitions about everything and for those who didnt, well too bad for them! I mean, its natural to be embarrassed but I think its worse if you crib and make a big fuss about it and spoil it for everyone. Its all for fun after all!

The performances were awesome and after our paper dancing contest was over, the second years gave the most brilliant demostration of how to paper dance! "Impossible is nothing!" :P. They found space to actually dance where none of us could even find space to keep our feet :P.

And in the end we all got to dance our heads off and I guess the way we were jumping around we'd forgotten we were wearing saris. Loud music, lasers, smoke, glitter and we forgot everything except the fact that we could move. The second and third years joined too. It was crazy and we loved every bit of it. It was sort of like being drunk, you dont know what you're doing and you dont remember much afterwards. It wouldn't be bad if we could have these sort of parties once in a while, because sometimes its important to forget reality[example: our midsem exams in 3 weeks :-( ] for a while and just let our hair down and have fun.
And it doesnt matter if you cant dance for nuts(like me) because no one really notices! :D

Rythms.

Today I sat down with my dad to play the tabla after a very long time. He played, I listened. I learnt, I played. Rythm is fascinating. It has a way of creeping into your head till you're full of it. Theres no end to rythm. It doesnt take long to sink into the beats till the cycle of 16 surges through your nerves, your blood, your fingers in a frenzy with its striking but beautiful mathematical precision. You are oblivious to everything around. Rythm swirls around you like its all that ever existed.

Rythms and sounds are inspired by nature. Not just that, if you look around you, you will find rythms, patterns, cycles everyhere. I guess that's why they call mathematics the language of nature.

I think it would be nice to play more often.

Surprise!

My friends gave me a surprise birthday party!!! I was just so extremely surprised and happy I couldn't stop hugging everyone. :). And it was the best engineered surprise too, I think. I didnt even have an inkling! It was absolutely wonderful. I'm lucky to have such an amazing group of friends! Rishav, Oin, Rohan, Neo, Adrija, Maddy, Pupu, Abhiroop. Thank you all soooo much!! :)

Everything on.

Today I went to this kid's fifth birthday party and I was brave enough to wear heeled sandals which I had abandoned as unwearable since I bought them last pujo but it truned out I survived without any major damage. I was able to walk, climb up and down stairs, and get on and off a bus without being injured. Hah. I envy people who can salsa wearing those high stilettoes with tiny surface area. They're geinuses.
The food was really awesome. The people there all seemed to know me.
It's extremely mysterious the way I seem to have become all famous suddenly. And its very embarrassing sometimes. On the second day of college I went down to the canteen and these two girls I had never seen in my life thumped me on the back and shouted my name so that everyone around stared and went all "HOW ARE YOU?!" and started talking to me as if they'd known me since I was two feet tall with two ponytails. I was too embarrased to ask them their names. I bump into them almost every day and after a month all I've managed to discover is that one of them is in either microbio or computer science. And the other one, no idea.
And then random people tell me I sang well and ask me if I'm coming to freshers so I guess they must be the seniors in our department.

I happen to be turning 18 in 2 days and for some reason I haven't made any plans yet and somehow I'm not all really excited. So I have no idea what I'm doing on my birthday. Other than hanging around at JU in the morning and then going to college(most probably). The thing is some of my friends wont be here on my birthday so I cant have a party. :-(

College is okay as usual and every lunch break I meet Krishno in the canteen and every day he asks me why I dont eat and I say I dont like the food and then he asks if I've made friends in my class and I say I have and he asks how come you're never with them and I say I cant find them. Lol. Deep mostly disappears these days. Earlier he would curse the canteen singaras and curse me for eating them("eesh eshob baaje khawar khash kano!!") and then eat mine and go away. :P

Classes are okay on an average(some are really good and some are really bad) and the lab is a madhouse and pretty much every alternate test involves a diazo coupling reaction so 80 of us have a riot trying to get our test tubes into one of the two ice water buckets after which we do the reaction which stubbornly refuses to occur in the test tubes so we end up with scarlet dye on our hands, feet, faces, hair and aprons. It looks like a 'who-can-get-more-red-dye-and-look-more-like-a-tribal-from-an-obscure-region-of-africa' contest. I also managed to set two test tubes and one fusion tube on fire in the second class. And someone dropped beta-naphthol on my foot and it became really orange.
Our first physics experiment was Newton's ring and we were taken into this impressive looking dark room with no light except from the slit of the sodium lamp we had for the experiment. Really cool place. We spent all our time cursing the rings using all the languages we knew and cracking the saddest jokes when we gave up all hope. Cracking PJs in a dark room is so much more fun. You can hear everyone laughing their insides out but you cant see them clearly, you can only see blurry outlines.

Its cool now the way everyone knows everyone else and so instead of many little groups of friends we now have this enormous group and its a lot of fun. The other day I ate the most enormous fried momos ever.

An now my mum is screaming at me to go to sleep but I dont want to so I'll try to finish Fountainhead I guess. :-)

College.

College has begun and I'm in St.Xaviers with chemistry. Its not amazingly exciting yet and to be truthful I'm not really in love with the place. I dont really mind it though. But its terribly boring sometimes. I hardly know anyone in my department but the others seem to have friends already. I also have a cold and I've been having two cups of lemon tea for lunch from the canteen for the past 3 days. The library is really awesome, its one of the best libraries I've ever seen. There are shelves and shelves of books on every subject and its a very modern looking library - it has a second floor as weel and the walls are painted a very cheery yellow.

I've liked most of my chemistry classes till now, especially the organic. We've been taught by 5 professors till now - 2 inorganic, 2 organic and one physical. I thought inorganic would be terrible to start off with, but we ended up doing atomic structure and bonding which are pretty nice. Math and physics classes till now weren't too great. Physics was boring cuz it was all a repitition of stuff we'd already done(and it isn't exactly my favourite subject anyway) and math I either didnt really understand[complex numbers! x-( ] or it was too boring for me to stay awake[she lectured us on the number system as an 'introduction' to differential calculus. :'( ].

Anyway, I guess this is the most boring blog post I've ever written. Sheesh. I just hope I manage to get rid of this cold! :-(.
Bye for now!

Obscured.

A face in the crowd I dont care to know
Mirror souls now a distance too far to bridge
Lost again
but I'm too tired to find you.
Walk away and hide yourself
Melt into your darkness
Sheild yourself with all you have
But I'm not coming, I've burnt all my candles.
Find your own this time.
Scars from stumbling in the dark are a distant past.
Goodbye friend.

Rainyhead.

Morning rain, the wet sky glows a bright gauzy white. Trees with leaves in all different shades of green sway, birds fly around. I sit in my chair by the window listening to the rumbling thunder while muching away on mayonise-and-tomato sandwhiches. Rain makes me feel all glowy inside, not a bright glowy, a soft mellow sort of glowy. It makes me feel poetic and filled with slow, beautiful but undefined thoughts. Not thoughts, feelings rather. Curling up with a Poirot novel, licking chocolate off my fingers with intermittent flashes of lightning behind the clouds gives me a strangely peaceful and contented feeling.
I listened to some old Westlife albums lying forgotten in my computer. They're beautiful. :)

Blankness

I don't know why I feel all dead and claustrophobic the day before an exam whether I give a damn about the exaqm or not(in most cases I don't). Maybe it's because I slept a lot today. I started re-reading the Harry Potter series(!!) and I'm halfway through Chamber Of Secrets and as always they get me hooked. I've had Scar Tissue by RHCP running in my head all day for some reason and I'm listening to it for the 8th time in a row. t's infectious somehow. It's giving me a weird feeling. The mellowish saddish haunting guitar line.I don't feel like listening to anything else.

I wanted to drink something so I had cold milk which was nice. Then I had lays magic masala. I wanted a dip. I used mayonise as a dip but once I started eating it felt too creamy and I felt like each bite was making me bloat up so I gave up. And I'm still stuck with this song, must be the 10th time I'm listening to it.

Freeze

The strange feeling, refreshing and cold as the icy wind.
The cold bites into me like a rope tightening
The trees murmer in rebellion
I am here, alone
Lost, entranced by the turbulent earth,
an earth lost in memories of its youth
eons before the age of mortals
My mind is frozen
Red clouds creep into the ink blue sky
Dancing forks of lightning, surreally arousing
I stand here alone, breathing in
Every breath a new life, a new feeling
I am empty, but alive
entangled in this frozen jumble of chaotic thoughts
A wilderness I needn't make sense of
Unreal but wonderful
Freezing silence, beautiful as a snowflake
I reach out to hold you
breathe with me
Cause this world is where we belong.

Flu and Floyd.

I have a cold and I'm trying hard to get rid of it because its very irritating to keep sniffing and feeling all swollen and puffy and sick and sad. I tried everything I could since yesterday -the homeopathic stuff, cough syrup(which helped), crocin(which is friggin really really useless) and 1 cup of coffee, 4 cups of tea and 1 cup of milk but I still feel all swollen and puffy and sick. We had a get together at Neoz again and at every get together we end up watching Pulse sooner or later so I watched Pulse for about the 4th time or something.
I bought chocolate for Tinku(his pet lizard) and it had completely liquefied. And then Neo taught me bluesy stuff on bass and I tried to play it and he played bluesy stuff on his acoustic guitar which didn't have a first string and then we got bored and started listening to Tool and got all high-ish and treated the poor guitar as a tabla. I SWEAR I'm going to try playing Tool on tabla, it'll be awesome.
And then Rishav was all sleepy and bored so we put on Zappa while he slept and we danced around(if I may use the term 'danced', it was more like two Neanderthals randomly kicking here and there and we always ended up kicking each other :D)him in the hope of waking him up with our horrendous dancing but we were unsuccessful unfortunately. :-
Sohom and Ayan joined us after lunch and we watched Pulse. again. :). But since I was feeling all puffy and swollen I went off to sleep :-.
I got home and had crocin and went to sleep again and woke up feeling sweatier and puffier and I just made tea but it was too strong but it wasnt bad so I drank it anyway and I felt temporarily less puffy.
Well I had a great day anyway. :)

Summer blues

April is killing me. I don't feel like doing anything at all the whole day. In the afternoon I feel like I'm melting. This heat seems to have retarded all processes, my head doesn't seem to be working AT ALL these days, which isn't a good thing cuz I still have two exams left. :-(
I just dont do anything at all really, just sleep a lot and talk a bit. I don't even eat a lot. I feel way too lazy to move, let alone go swimming.
Neo came over today and his pet lizard Tinku seemed to be really missing him and was really hungry too so Tinku called Oin and cried and told her he was bored and hungry :(. And finally Oin sang to Tinku and put him to sleep.
I know, heat does weird things to the head. It makes you have the weirdest conversations.
My brother is really being a pest as usual. He's a violation to the laws of physics(more specifically, the second law of thermodynamics) because its a mystery where he gets so much energy from when everything around is evaporating or melting. I'm just wondering what to do about him when my friends come over on sunday. Really. This is why I rarely host parties at my house but I had to this time. I just really really hope some kind of a mircale happens. High hopes.
Oh but then miracles do happen.
A friend taught me how to make cold coffee, haven't tried it yet. Hope it works. Hope my mixie works. I'll try on sunday. I also want to make lemon ice tea.
Well I'm just feeling dead as usual. Haha.
I'll write more sensible stuff when I have more energy.

Flashes of colour

Green ponds
Trees line the way
Bursts of colour
A rainbow carpet of flowers
Sunset.
Hues interwoven, merging slowly
Purple lines, orange glow
The sky a magestic palette
Master strokes of the brush
Sky paint mixes into blueness
Stars peek in through the gaps in the trees
Saying hello
Ruins and lighted homes
Glittering skyscrapers
Cobbled streets leading somewhere
A maze, never failing to delight.
The walk
The silence that encloses us
Time runs..

Damn. Glasses suck sometimes. They get in the way too much. x-(

Muddlehead

Hell man I have IITJEE tomorrow and I've given up trying cuz therez no way any of that math getz into my head, its such a nightmare. So there I go on a 8 hour long picnic. I'm listening Gosmack and I'm highly pissed with my mother cuz she wont let me go to a sleepover party at Anushka's place on the 19th and her reasons are really disgusting and illogical, which is even more pissing off("Why sleepover? Why cant you get together during the day like normal decent people? We never went to sleepovers in our lives!", etc.). Like big deal. I haven't yet told her I have an outing on monday, my plan was that I'd just come home after the exam tomorrow and tell her I'm going to south city with some of my friends(I'll have to make proper backup plans first which might be a bit of trouble) but if things look really bad I'll tell her I'm going to math tution and just get the hell out of the house and call her later and tell her I'm going to south city for lunch. Sheesh. Well actually if she doesnt let me go to the sleepover I'll have a good reason to throw a tantrum and get out of the house on monday.
I really hope I manage to get through to a bombay college. I'll get a more focused course and I really want to go live in a new place. Need to actually. My dad said he'll get me custom made tabla :-D. And a new synth too maybe! :-D

Flight.

Turns in the road

on after the other

Journey never ends

Free as a bird I glide through the air

Smiles and Sunshine

Darnkess to light.

Once and for all

and again, free.

The Rainbow Gypsy.

Runaround

Darkness creeps slowly into the mellow evening
Sharp shadows of noon blur to merge into a solace that embraces us
What was once 'forever' now seems nothing
Through the fading light I try to see
But outlines, no faces
Smiles, tears, nothing at all
Nostalgia
Decayed dreams being lived through,
Not remembered
Tangled thoughts that once lingered somewhere deep down
Washed away, lost
But tides come and go
You never know when they'll be washed ashore again
like always.
Voices flow free, not a speck of the broken sheild remains
Ruins of the wall lie in oblivion
Darkness envelops us, closing in
Our protector
It cannot mask the strange joy.
How do you know, what do you know?
The feeling of not feeling what should be felt
Space and time run in haphazard directions
Meeting sometimes, cosmic accidents
What should, what could, what does
All a mixture of confused destiny
And the cycle I guess will never end.