More.

Around two more weeks of school. And even now, my feelings haven't changed. I'm waiting for the day they will. Just to see if they will. of course. Maybe they will, but too late. Or more proabable, they wont.

I've had everything, I've experienced almost everything there is to experience in school life. For the greater part of school, I've been the good girl, paying attention in class, answering in class, always doing homework on time, getting good grades, being liked by teachers, being liked by everyone in class, having best friends, all that stuff.

But consistency is tiring and boring. It's hard.

So after 10 I grew all the wings and tails and horns. I went to school just for fun, didn't bother to listen in class, never gave in homework on time(on the rare ocassions that I actually did the work), answered questions very rarely, slept in class(in 11 and 12 there were only about 5 physics classes I didn't sleep through), appeared for tests virtually without studying..all that. I've been for detention(not that its a very rare occurence for out batch, and 'detention' is scary only in books). I've gotten into the bad books of a lot of teachers. And I don't care. And it's fun, because I don't care. 

I've been to fests, had fun at most of them, been famous, been forgotten.

But some things haven't changed, and aren't likely to change.

I've had friends, yes, but I've always this quiet and unobtrusive girl who sits next to the window and stares out of the window to observe conversations between two fat pigeons who sit on the window opposite, who draws animal farms.

I still barely talk and it's always been like that.

Ask anyone except maybe a handful of people and they won't be able to tell you much about me. 

No one will be able to say "oh, i knew her very well". 

But school hasn't been too bad so far. But I don't like it now. 

I have an english test tomorrow and the bangla teacher has suddenly realized that I'm the only one in class she hasn't been able to really irritate for the past two years, so now she's decided to, so I have to study bangla too, something I'm doing proabaly for the first time. Foulness!

AND I'm supposed to be finishing linear momentum and collisions and I'm listening to random songs:

Roadhouse blues-The Doors

We Are One Tonight - Switchfoot

Burn it down -Alter Bridge

Till later then!

So tomorrow is olympiad and I'm screwing it really badly. 

Today, everyone in our row at GD wore black! that was weird. Me, Sayoni, Rohini, Neo, Abhiroop and then Arjun - all black. It looked as though we'd planned it. I wish I could take a photo. 

No one comes online these days. :-(

People are nice these days. I still don't like school, but I've got a lot of diaries to fill up and lots of people to give my diary to so I have to go to school. Last week I went to school only for two days and I was late both days and I was really surprised I didn't get detention today. (Our school has this mad system of giving people who come late detention which is actually pretty hilarious.) I think they'll give us detention next week. They've suddenly decided to make the rules really strict, so almost half the school turns up for detention every saturday. The only time I had detention we had a great party. Half of class 12 was there. haha!

Anyway, I don't think there's any point worrying too much about the bio right now, because there's no point. I'll just go there and have fun tomorrow, like I always do. Go out, give it your best and have a good time. That's the way to go about doing things, you know. :-D

Cheers.

i'm sinking down.

 i hear your voice and it pulls me up.

it makes me float, higher and higher.

till i'm flying

flying away.

Random.

I bunked school today too. I actually bunked two days in a row. I stayed at home and tried to solve biology olympiad papers but turned out I hadn't even heard of half the terms there were in the papers, so I've given up. The exam's on sunday. I'm not going to bother studying any more. I've realized I better focus on other things.

There are some things which really irriatate me:

The fact that no one calls me up when I have my phone with me, but the MOMENT I enter the bathroom all my long lost friends and not-so-long-lost friends call. 

 

Negative signs in equations. I hate them. :-(  Yuck. And half my sums give the wrong answer because of this minus-sign-repulsion disease. (Actually my mother has it too, but she doesn't get the sums wrong!).

Well, today I sang after a really long time. Like, REALLY sang, not the bathroom stuff. I just realize how long it's been since I sang properly. I sang along with Nemo and Nymphetamine and all the evanescence songs on my ipod. They're good for a high pitched voice like mine. :D

I haven't played tabla/sitar/keyboard for AGES :-(.

I suddenly start counting taals and kayedas when I'm travelling or something. I mean I make up kayedas and try to fit them and I count and count on my fingers and people think I'm comepletely mad. 'Assymetric' taals like jhaptal are pretty tricky but once you get the hang of them they're awesome to play(especially if you've made things on your own).

Music is really a science.

There's science in everything. :)

Through the looking glass -2

Through the looking glass 1

Parasitism.

I will do what I want to, and I will do it my way.

I will refuse to do what you tell me to do.

I despise being forced to do something, even if I wouldn't actually mind doing it.

That's the thing, 

I like to think I rule myself and I do.

Even if you think you can make me do something, and even if I make it look like I will do something you want me to, I will not do it unless you stop telling me to do it.

Half the world are parasites. Hypocrites, parasites, brainless, nerveless, gutless creatures who will attach themselves and cling on for life in an interdependance which metamorphoses from the initial symbiosis, slowly to parasitism. They draw their life from you. They will creep and crawl, reaching for you. They will cling on even after they realize that they have drawn from you all their feeble beings can. 

They are not predators, because they are too weak.

They cannot survive alone.

They do not know they are parasites. They probably never will.

People need to grow up, learn to think, learn to be independent and make their own decisions and choices.

Symbionts, not parasites.

So thursday is batch night. Dress code this year too is black. Other colours don't exist do they? I mean, it was black last year. Everyone wears black all the time. 

Everyone will be at venom, wearing black, some with their boyfriends, quite a few without and they will be dancing to loud music, and the ones who don't/can't/don't feel like dancing will stand and watch other people dancing/doing whatever. I'm guessing. I wanted to go initially, but then I thought I'll probably get really bored. Most of my friends aren't going, I can't dance(I love to dance but it would be a bit of a fiasco if I danced there), I don't have a date(not that it's necessary of course), and THERE WILL BE NO FOOD. I will have to spend two hours there standing with people I barely know(the alternative being sitting on the couch, and you know what happens on the couches at venom) with NO FOOD. I would've considered going if more of my friends were going though. Whether or not I'd be allowed is of course, a different matter.

So while everyone will be having fun(they're quite sure they will), I will be teaching Madhura angiosperm reproduction and development and photosynthesis, and she will teach me nervous coordination (after which I might just play her guitar and then eat momos)  :-) . And then I will go to math tution where I'll have phuchka with Nilanjana(who isn't going to batch night either) and do calculus. 

I love Katatonia. 

Blah-ing

I bunked school today. I know, everyone goes on telling me that school dyas are coming to and end and that I should go to school every day and make the most of it and enjoy my last few weeks of school, but somehow my feeling towards school hasn't changed much. Not that I expected it would, but anyway.. Nothing much happens in school. By very unfortunate coincidences, Ishani bunks the days I'm present and comes on the days I bunk(which isn't very often) and I get extremely bored. 

The last two chemistry classes were bearable, and english too was bearable. Physics I hate and however much I try I just cannot pay attention. I don't think I paid attention in a single class the entire year. 

Bengali classes are torture. She gives us a chapter/poem to learn every day and I never do, and she makes us write answers(which I copy from Ishani, word to word) and submit them to her(I've wormed out of that a few times but I can't do that every day).

 

Dr.De is hospitalized with malignant malaria and I'm really feeling quite bad for her because she's about the only teacher we have whoes classes are bearable. And it somehow seems very odd, hearing that she's got malaria of all things, because she taught us life cycles of malarial parasites and she always lectured us on keeping healthy and all that. She was the [damn I cant find the word!] undefeatable[yuck that's not the right word!!] type. Sheesh, I never seem to find the right words these days. I always end up saying 'this thing' and 'that thing' and my famous 'oije oita!! arre oito oita!' Hah. :-(

Dad bought me an ipod shuffle which is bright pink in colour. No comments. :-|

But it's an ipod anyway. :-)

I studied post mendelian genetics and mutation and DNA expression and Darwinism and Neo-Darwinism and something called Hardy-Weinberg equilibrium(it isn't really as complicated as it sounds) and I realized you actually need to know conditional probability pretty well for genetics. But I still dont get the hang of cladograms. :-(

SG's class population has declined alarmingly and there were just around 9 people in class today. And I dont know all of them. It's weird how even after two years I don't know even the names of people in class. Class was boring today. Nuclear physics. All theory. And as I said, physics doesn't interest me much anymore. Neo treated me to phuchka after class(what a pleasure it is to have phuchka with someone who likes it as spicy as you do and doesn't jump up and down after each phucka, breathing like a dragon. :-) )

OK then I can't write anymore. I plan to sleep tonight. Bye!

'Our'

That was our little place, our little world,

Something we could call our own

Our secrets, our words braided together, our walls no one could break.

We were safe there, happy.

It was ours, and ours alone.

Our minutes, our seconds

Our rainbow dreams spun out of the wind

Our world, our little corner of the universe

Ours, all ours.

Just ours.

But one day our windy dreams turned into a hurricane and blew it all away. The rainbow colours grew lighter and lighter, floating away with the wind until they disappeared.

Yes, I know it's time to go outside. To look back at the wreck,and then turn around  and move away to find another world, yet another nook of the seamless universe.

Mine.