Melancholy

The skies are overcast. The wind is chilly.
Sometimes, it drizzles.
You forget it was spring. It is cold.

Grey. Darkness creeps up.
Melancholy evenings.
It is so silent I can hear my mind talking. Almost.

The time has come.
I am crashing like a wave when it hits the sand.
Rising, rushing, faster and faster.
To fall again and crawl along the earth.

The sound of my heart breaking.
I am crumbling again.
The pain is physical. Like my body is protesting.
My bubble has returned to surround me.
It wants to protect me but it holds me still too.

So I lie still, where I am.
The pain traps me there. My tears are trapped too.
I drift in and out of consicousness.
My mind awakes, slowly, taking baby steps.

Quietly I breathe.
A mishmash of songs spread out to cover the silence.

I dream of starry nights.
Someday.
On the grass. Summer night breeze.
Breathing into the vast sky.

Footsteps. Voices.
Laughter. Music. Smiles. Pleasure. Silence. Peace.
Fulfilment.

One day, I will forget the pain, the collapsing of my being.
One day, I will be whole.
Sometimes I can only dream.