The weekend is almost here. And yes, for a change, something called a weekend does exist now and even though we usually have to work on saturdays, its more casual and relaxed, not like weekday pressure. I haven't had a good week but I'm hoping it will end well. Last weekend too was great, just like it should be. Saturday was off because of an institute power shutdown, thank god. Eating home-cooked bengali food, playing with adorable kids, sleeping and watching sunset at the sea. How much more could you want?

Walking along Colaba causeway, buying really pretty things(most of which turned out to be purple, predictably) for really cheap at street shops and walking into a random bakery we happen to cross and eating huge chunks of red velvet cake with the most buttery icing is an unbelievable pick-me-up.

If I'd read Feynman earlier, I'm pretty sure I would have become a physicist. Well, atleast tried to become a physicist. Sometimes I think that's what I should have done. It's just that I didn't find physics all that exciting in school. I probably just didn't look at it right. I think in the end, all scientists look for origins. Where we came from and where things came from and how things came to be the way they are is the ultimate question. And physics is at the root of it all.

Another 'growing up' post.

There are too many 'growing up' posts in this blog already. But the thing is, I don't think you can ever really grow up completely. You 'grow up' in different ways at different times.

You accept that the world isn't perfect.

That no one is perfect. Nothing is perfect. 

What is perfect is a mishmash of many separate things that don't come together.

People come and go. Some stay a little longer. Some are people you meet along your own journey - with each of your lives going different ways but crossing for an instant. But some become more than that - they become part of your journey, part of your life. They are friends. You need them. But you also need the other kind, for diversity. For moments. And being able to separate them is important too and its something that comes in one of the later phases of 'growing up'.

Streaming thoughts

Always keep chocolate handy for dementor attacks.

Rains will be here soon. Sometimes when it rained heavily and the city got flooded, everyone would stay at home and not go to school/college/office. I would curl up in bed with coffee and hot chocolate and wrap myself up in blankets and read. Or just sleep blissfully in the dark room with the soothing sound of rain pattering against the window. Or sit at my table by the window and watch the trees getting washed, greener and greener.
Rainy days meant being lazy, eating khichuri, aloo bhaja and omlettes for lunch. The ultimate comfort I wish I could sink into.
Enjoying a day off with family. I miss home.

But I guess at some time or the other, we have to get used to it. You need to find a way.

The Sunday mood.

I want to do too many things. I want to eat chocolate and cheesecake. Watch a ton of movies. Read something nice. Sleep. Lie on the grass all night and watch the sky. Smell lemons. Paint something with watercolours, a lot of light green and yellow. Write. Watch sunset, though I have the fortune of doing that every day. Meet old friends. Take photos. Travel, go away somewhere. Where its very green. 

Like a dream

The faint sound of temple bells, somewhere

Shadowy corners tucked away in the trees.

The pale sea reflecting the sky of a thousand colours,

still as glass except for the low murmur of ripples on the rocks.

The vast sea whispering her secrets.

Ship lights line the horizon

The sky darkens as stars rise

While the city on the other side glitters.

The calm wind

and silence. Solitude.

Like a dream.

Some days are just bad. True, chocolate helps. Specially if its crunchy.
Its nice to play trippy trance-like music in the evening or late at night when the lab is empty.
Porcupine tree, all time favourite.

If you fall asleep with me
You can dream and drowse
The miuntes turn to hours

We could climb a tree or two
And watch the sun go down
Upon our sleepy town

Reminds me childhood and the innocence. When we really did climb trees. Ran around outside, broke numerous windows playing cricket or football. When all we had to worry about was how to retrieve the ball that fell into the neighbour's terrace.

We've come a long way, yeah.

Rise

Fires left burning. Lapping up everything.

Too many things, just gone.
I am unforgivable.

Charred shadows follow, haunting me wherever I go.

Catching me when I try to run.

Destroying, when I try to build again.

Drowning me in ashes when I try to bury them.

Again, and again.

I may be a darker shade of grey
but I never wanted to be this.
What I have been.
The destroyer.

How long will these ghosts possess me,
my thoughts, my life
Maybe its time to exorcise.
To rise.

To make my way out of the ashes I created.
Dust them off.
Unchain the shadows tied to me
 And let myself  live again.