11pm coffee

Everything I do is totally messed up now - eating sleeping studying everything. Like most other days I got back at around 6, went straight off to sleep, woke up at 10 in a really irritated mood(that happens to me when I sleep and wake up at bad times). Plus my parents aren't home yet so I've got to manage things and my legs and cheek muscles are aching after today's practical class[approximately 4 hours of standing and sucking liquid up a glass tube with a big bulb in the middle where liquid just stubbornly refuses to rise no matter how hard you suck) so I barely feel like walking around or talking at all.

I'm not getting a teeny bit of studying done either with all the pre-freshers excitement and the general exhaustion at the end of the day(described above) which is really scaring me. Though my laziness and sleep craving is a big factor. I am one person who just cannot do without sleep. I cannot function at all if I'm sleep deprived and I don't think its cool to be sleep deprived because its not, I mean its stupid to think its cool. Though its absolutely necessary sometimes.

And I'm also scared of the fact that I'm not all that interested in chemistry anymore, it feels like I'm dragging myself through it. Maybe because of the summer project I did I got a taste of what I really really want to do and chemistry is kind of not in the picture that much, though of course its necessary. Oh and I didn't even post anything in my new blog. I just seem to have lost all the enthusiasm for going to college, I just have to drag myself there every day and it doesn't help that classes are getting really tough. I think all that first-year excitement has worn off. Badly.

Well I'm done with my coffee and lemon cream biscuits. And I'm going to get into trouble about not eating dinner again. :-(

Back to college (not!) :(

I missed the first three days of 2nd year because of a toe injury (I banged my foot on the sofa quite hard resulting in an enourmous red swollen toe). Its sad because I was really looking forward to going to college on the first day and terrorizing the juniors(no, really). I'm a bit too excited about finishing 1st year I guess.

So I'm spending the day at home searching for recipes. I love to cook. I want to make caramel pudding and pasta but caramel sounds pretty tricky but I want to try anyway. After a year of experience in the chemistry lab caramel shouldn't be that much of a problem, after all its just a polymerization process. Which is why I want to make it. And I'm not much of a sweet lover anyway so I hardly end up eating any of the sweet dishes I make. But I like making them. I made a chocolate bread pudding once and it was quite nice. But I'm tired of chocolate in everything.

So I'm home for a pretty long weekend with nothing to do. Monday is a strike, thats disgusting cuz I'll have to wait another whole day to go to college. :(

OMG so much fun!

Had the awesomest party in a long time! 

Somuchfun somuchfun somuchfun!!!!!!!

So we went to Riju's place to jam and his jam room didnt have a fun and didnt have enough plug points to make room for a table fan so me, Neo, Riju and Krishno ended up making music in the tiny room in the heat dripping with sweat but who cares we had such an awesome time! And I loved beating the hell out of his drums as well. Not every day I get to do that :P.

And then we ate lots of biryani and watched a movie and played poker and Krishno has become so addicted to it he exhibits withdrawal symptoms if he doesnt play. :P

And the jokes. I laughed so much I've become thinner. 

What a day! I'm still high on the fun! :D

Oh and I finally bought new shoes too! 

My new blog

Here it is!
http://terminalvelocityrace.blogspot.com/

Busy-ness

I think I'm busier than I can handle. But I'm sort of liking it.
Project has started off pretty well and yes I am being able to roughly understand whats going on(though majorly thanks to wikipedia). Haven't gotten down to any cooking yet. Brother is pestering me to make brownies so I'll have to do that when I get time.
In a while probably I'll be writing about my project in my new blog, I'll post the link once I actually write something. Its going to be specifically for science related posts. More of an attempt at organizing thoughts on something - I have these streams of thoughts which take pretty interesting turns so I thought I should try to organize them into something presentable. And I'd like to write about new, interesting things I learn. Inspirations : James D. Watson and of course, Feynman.
:)
I'm not much of a physics fan but Feynman is just brilliant, I love the way he writes and makes physics fun and beautiful even to people like me who wouldn't go within a mile of a physics textbook if I could help it.

So anyway, lets see when I can start writing. And the pasta and french fries will come up sometime too.

Summer

Vacations started!
I've got the ingredients for pasta, I'm going to make some. And french fries too.
I'll be starting my undergrad associateship project from tomorrow. They work in structural genomics but I don't exactly know much about it so it should be interesting. I'm looking forward to going there and learning some cool stuff and maybe meeting some people.
And theres a music workshop coming up too, which I'll be attending. And probably more of them over the next two weeks.
And I'm going to read a lot of books, I'm thinking of re-reading the Harry Potter series, theres this familiarity about them I love, this good old world I can sink into. And also I've got The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho.
And I'll have to meet my friends too or they'll kill me.
So I'm pretty much too packed this summer!

Purple skies and lightning. Rain lashing on the windowpane forcefully but steadily, blurring out the world.

Turbulent wind whipping the trees.

Rain is irresistibly poetic.

Makes me feel like Porcupine Tree. Piano Lessons..

"I remember piano lessons
now everything seems clear
you waiting under streetlights for dreams to disappear"..

Candy splash! ~ Bright summery plans :)

What I will to do this summer:

Go to the gym. I have to, absolutely. 

 Work on my summer project at the biophysics division, SINP.

 Buy a decent pair of shoes.

 Play the sitar a lot.

 Get more coral pink, yellow and lime green things. Candy colours! :).

 As you can see from the picture I am obsessed with candy colours. They're so happy and bright!

 Actually shop at gariahat and new market. In a planned way and not buy absolutely useless things because they look nice. Which is what I usually end up doing. :P

 Cook! As much as I can since I won't get to do much of that when college starts.

 Go to the terrace every evening and stare at the sky changing colour.

 Maybe write a bit.
 Read a lot of books. Watch a lot of movies. Especially Julia Roberts ones :). 

 Play chess! Haven't done that in ages! 

Just go out a lot. Do some proper photoshoots. Studio style. Try to focus a bit on photographing people, I've done a lot of nature already. 

 Well, thats the general idea. :P

Somehow I always come up with the most fantastic of plans during the exams which I forget all about after them and I don't end up doing much. :P

So I think life looks a bit more sensible now. I don't have to be a sympathetic liar or a cold blooded ruthless killer. I don't have to be a frustrated teenager screaming at everything. I can just be myself. Look at the world again for what it really is. Maybe I'll still be the selfish self-obsessed over-ambitious person I am but maybe thats the way I get on with life.
You can't always have everything you want. There are compromises. But you need to try to live with it. And while you're living why not make the best of it?
At the end of the day you've got to live for yourself, win the battle for survival and give a damn to the rest of the world.
Lets see what I become. What I grow into. As I walk along alone, the way I want to.

Levels of frustation are RISING. Tolerance level for anything plumetting drastically.
The heat, the chemistry, the people.
Terrible combination.
Just too many things more than I can worry about. Considering I'm not used to worry about anything at all.
Heh I think I'll just go and read something.

Back to college after a five day break. And therefore screwed up eating and screwed up sleeping. :P
And the mad calculus teacher who seems to have gotten even madder. Hasn't stopped saying 'entrigation' (that means integration).
Had honey flavoured gelato. It was weird and very sweet. But its nice to have weird flavours like that.
I am currently obsessed with the song 'Supermassive Black Hole' by Muse. Kickass song, kickass lyrics
"I thought I was a fool for no one..but ooh baby I'm a fool for you.."
:D

People watching

I like to watch people. Women, more particularly. (No don't worry, I'm straight).  I like to watch how they dress, because it talks a lot about their mentality, their psyche. I find it immensely pleasing to look at someone I would call stylish or well dressed. The reason women are so interesting to watch is because of their unbounded creativity when it comes to dressing. It doesn't mean men aren't well dressed, but its just that they're boring to watch. Men can't be too creative without being branded 'gay'. Poor guys. :P

So I never get bored in a place full of people when I don't know anyone, or even on the street for that matter.
Its very nice to see how people can look nice in the simplest of clothes, but accentuated properly. Or even vice-versa : it takes a lot to carry off very fancy clothes and I admire people who do it without looking too overdone.
For example, I went to an annaprashan today. There was a girl with short hair, wearing a very simple silk blue and silver striped half sleeved kurti with an orange patiala. She wore a chunky necklace with it and mojris. That's an example of understated style that really stands out. And of course, there were the saris. I have a weakness for white-and-gold and off-white colours because they look simple but very elegant.
And then I watch out for little details that make it all complete. A simple pink-and-white cotton salwar, with a cute white hairband. Light blue jeans and a white top with minimalist designing and toenails with light blue and lime green nailpolish. I believe dressing is an art.

Another thing I realized is that our ancestors were brainy when it came to dressing. If you notice, the way people dress in a region is dictated largely by the climate. People wear what's most comfortable in the weather. Like in Calcutta its crazy hot, and people would rather die than admit it but jeans are just awful for this sort of climate. So maybe its time to realize that there was a logic in wearing Indian clothes. Because salwar kameez are made of much lighter material, and you're also optimally covered to avoid getting burnt by the sun they are much more comfortable. Technically saris and dhotis(for the men) give you ample 'breathing space', suited to the heat. In the northeast, its cold so people wear these thick skirts. Rajasthan is a desert and its very very hot and dry, so they wear free flowing lehengas, cholis or blouses and use their dupattas to protect their heads from the heat and the dust storms.
Thick rough materials like denim and linen were originally worn in colder places. So it doesn't really make much sense wearing them when the sun is causing us to melt. But we love our jeans and can't do without them anymore because we've become so used to wearing them and they're very hardy and practical. And yes, they look great. But I'll probably wear less of them this summer. Lycra leggings, harems, skirts and patialas are the best. :)

Stay Stylish!
Apologies to the guys, most of whom would've found this immensely boring. :P

The silent traveller

Open your eyes
Look around, look outside
Give wings to your thoughts and let them fly around you
Growing, till you know its time to let them stretch their wings and fly free.


Step out of the dark room that's been your home
Walk through the world
The expansive open grasslands
The busy city streets and their stoic ways
The buzz of noise
The comforting unfamiliarity
Narrow by-lanes,
The peaceful anonymity
Colourful cobbled streets that twist and turn
Leading you along


Lose yourself in the whirl of colour and sound
Let your mind break free
Listen to your footsteps as you walk
One step at a time,
soaking in the myraid scents of the air you breathe


Find where you've hidden yourself
Savour the silence within you
Relish the solitude the world gifts you
Your own little corner, the space that is yours.


Unlock your mind, let it glimpse the rainbow
You're free to fly and watch the world below.

Detonating!

My head feels like its just going to explode. After a full day at college (including a horrible double physics) I got back home and I've been doing PHYSICS assignment and PHYSICS lab file and more PHYSICS lab file for the past 3 and a half hours so in other words, I am going mad.
No wonder the physics department people are mad. I mean, wouldn't anyone go mad if they had to work on physics the whole day? But they like that I suppose.
I heard a nice new japanese song(well I don't really know if its chinese or japanese or korean, but lets assume its japanese anyway :P ). Its called Fushugi Yugi. :P
Also, realization is gradually dawning that midsems are nearby and that there is a certain subject called mathematics which I don't know a dot about yet so chances of passing look quite bleak unless I do something about it.
I might just explode one of these days!

I've finally started studying physical chemistry a wee little bit since sem started. Catalysis isn't too bad, thermodynamics is getting messier by the day and I don't know about real gases yet.
I'm starting with sitar again. I went to my first class today. I first need to work on perfecting my bolkari(stroke techniques) and fingering to regain flexibility.
I finally made cold coffee at home for the first time and it was pretty good, but I'll improvise on it. :D
And I absolutely love my new electric blue nailpolish. Bright colours make me feel good. :)


Current Playlist:
[Most from the Twilight soundtrack.]
Decode - Paramore
I Caught Myself - Paramore
Supermassive Black Hole - Muse
15 Steps - Radiohead
Its Not Over - Chris Daughtry.

"Its not over.."

"It's Not Over"

I was blown away.
What could I say?
It all seemed to make sense.
You've taken away everything,
And I can't deal with that.
I try to see the good in life,
But good things in life are hard to find.
We'll blow it away, blow it away.
Can we make this something good?
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.

Let's start over.
I'll try to do it right this time around.
It's not over.
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

Taken all I could take,
And I cannot wait.
We're wasting too much time
Being strong, holding on.
Can't let it bring us down.
My life with you means everything,
So I won't give up that easily.
I'll blow it away, blow it away.
Can we make this something good?
'Cause it's all misunderstood.
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.

Let's start over.
I'll try to do it right this time around.
It's not over.
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

We can't let this get away.
Let it out, let it out.
Don't get caught up in yourself.
Let it out.

Let's start over.
I'll try to do it right this time around.
It's not over.
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

Let's start over.
It's not over, yeah...
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over. 




[Song by Chris Daughtry]

I haven't slept in a while. I'm scared. I'm trying be alive. I'm trying to do what's best for me. I'm trying to accept that imperfection is a law of the universe and its natural for things to go wrong here and there.

I'm trying to stay sane and not lose myself. I'm trying to iron out the messy bits. I'm hoping like I've never hoped before, that someday everything will be okay.