Okay. Twilight is getting to me. I'm downloading the soundtrack, I love it.
Bella's Lullaby is beautiful.
I'm going so raving mad with the analytical lab file, its beyond limits of frustration.
So its nice to listen to some new music.

Twilight and Daylight.

I finally watched Twilight. To be truthful, its a pretty average movie. Its dark, depressing and haunting and I was stuck in this weird depressive hangover for a whole day after watching it and that's never happened to me before. Its not a happy movie, it won't really make you smile. There are some beautiful scenes, but they don't really feel beautiful. There's this cold apprehension all the time. One of the scenes I loved was the part where Edward plays the piano with Bella sitting next to him.

And yes, Edward Cullen is so crazy hot.

The soundtrack has Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park. Its uncanny how it goes in so well with the context of the movie. And I actually listened to the words properly for once.

Anyway I won't be watching Twilight for a while. I'm not much of a movie person anyway.
I'll watch New Moon though.

Events.

Last night I tried to study organic. Trying to study is actually an event. :|
Today I went to college, endured classes continuously from 10.00 to 4.40. There was KB's abstract algebra I never managed to understand, AR's torturous organic test and the polarimeter which wasn't too bad but it took longer to finish and its really irritating when everyone leaves the lab and your group is the only one working. Especially when its 4.40 and you have lots to do, like go to a party.
Dressed up. Went to the party. Finally got the hang of the hookah. I liked it but its not really anything great. I don't get why its such a big deal. But I learnt to do it anyway. Achievement!
Danced quite a lot. Laughed a lot. Had a great time.
I watched Avatar on sunday and I really liked it.
I'm not hungry and thats weird.
I guess I'm sleepy now. Goodnight!

What the hell.

What the hell am I suppozed to do.
Okay I don't know why I said that, I just wanted to say 'what the hell'.
Yes that is weird. I think this is what happens when you sleep and wake up at totally odd random times. And drink coffee.
And I typed quite a lot today and my fingers are getting cold and tired. Finally sent my article.
Had zinger at KFC.
Our department will finally have a seminar.
I'm not hungry. I'm feeling all fuzzy and dizzy.
Anyway, I need to run to dinner.

I think I'm a bit more balanced these days. And I'm beginning to have good friends in college. And I'm being able to manage a lot of things at the same time. And I made nice omlettes on sunday and I quite like multitasking in the kitchen: frying eggs on one side, toasting bread and spreading cheese on them and microwaving them(it melts the cheese and you get a delicious pizza effect) and making coffee at the same time. Without burning anything. :D. Like I feel like a top chef when I do all that ;-). A chicken omlette is on the cards soon. See, actually I'm obsessed with omlettes because they're about the only things you can make without too much trouble but just enough trouble to feel like you're really making something. And besides I don't get much of an opportunity to really make anything else.

Anyway, I need to go eat and then I'll watch Raiders Of The Lost Ark. I've watched only one Indiana Jones movie: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and I really liked it.

And Polarimeters are pretty cute, like you see two shades of light in the two halves of a semicircle and they keep changing colour as you rotate the tube so its nice actually.

I just heard the song 'phire chalo' by Fossils(its from their new album) and its quite nice. It has a death metal-ish feel in the middle.

Okay, as usual I'm bad with endings, so um bye! :P

Busy-ness.

Tons to do. Lots of thermodynamics and heat engines and problems that turn out to be unsolvable but pretty cool anyway. Also, abstract algebra is really not as horrendous as it seems in class. I guess that's because I basically sleep and don't understand anything.

We have a science seminar coming up and I've never done a seminar before and I'd really like to do one on something I like. I picked biofuels(its not as boring as it was in E.V.E!! I hated E.V.E so I should know!) I really really badly wanted to do a presentation on this really cool stuff I found about curved spacetime. Its about how Newtonian physics gets screwed in curved space. And stuff like wormholes and all. It's probably the first time I'm getting all obsessively excited about something physics-related. I usually run away from that stuff. But its so insanely cool. Okay. Well. I still want to do it. But its like 12.00 am and I won't finish the abstract and plus I don't know a hell lot about general relativity and stuff so if they ask me about it I'll get screwed there and I don't have enough time to read up everything. I could actually.
Weird. Sometimes when I'm obsessed with something I hate letting go of it. I could console myself by saying I'll do it the next time but I'm a really moody person and I may not feel like doing this the 'next time', whenever it is. :(

Sports was sort of fun and the chinese food and black forest sundae after that was awesome.

And I like college and I like the people in my class and I'm having a pretty good social life!

Okay I've chattered enough.
And happy belated rose day. :P

"Destination Unknown"

A song I heard recently made me realize what life is all about. Its about exploring and not being afraid to go ahead. Its about taking chances and making the best of opportunities, about doing everything you want to because you only live once.
"Destination Unknown".
You never know where you're headed and that's all part of the adventure.
I love the song.
After listening to it something seems to have clicked in my head and its made all the scattered pieces of my life fall into place. There are beautiful memories and painful ones and some which are beautiful and painful.
It reminds me of the past and what I've been through and where I am now, but it doesn't make me sad. Rather it reassures me that life's like this. Its the journey that matters. Every bit of it is something new. something that makes a very big difference. This is the way you live.You fall and you crawl and you break but you stand up on your feet again. You don't have regrets.
Life is the wind whipping your face, making you feel alive as you race across the highway. Coming at you at full force. The faster you go, the stronger the wind feels. If you stop it doesn't feel windy.

Here are the lyrics.


Destination Unknown.

I see life and it's passin' right before my eyes
And the past is the past don't regret it, time to realize
I need to walk on the wire just to catch my breath,
I don't know how or where but I'm goin' it's all that I have left

It don't matter where it takes me
Long as I can keep this feeling runnin' through, my soul

Never took this road before -- destination unknown
Oh oh oh ohohoh -- destination unknown
Won't be coming back this way gotta go it alone
Oh oh oh ohohoh -- destination unknown

See a chance gotta take it wanna meet my fate
'Cause the last thing I ever wanted was to find out it's too late
No way out when you're in it deeper than the night
There's a light at the end of the tunnel and I see it burning bright

It don't matter where it takes me
Long as I can keep this feeling soarin' through, my soul

Never took this road before -- destination unknown
Oh oh oh ohohoh -- destination unknown
Won't be comin' back this way gotta go it alone
Oh oh oh ohohoh -- destination unknown

Bio-art.

You absolutely MUST check this out.
Its brilliant and amazing and wonderful and incredible and unbelievable and [well I expect you get the point?].

Start Of Something Beautiful.

Dusk. Dim orange streetlights.

Strings of song.

Silence

Skin prickling at the first touch.

Desire

Threads of rapidly crisscrossing thoughts

Flashing. Gone.

Eyes closing. Slowly.

Struggle of sense. Hesitation.

Electricity

Sparking anticipation

Coming together

The moment.

Blurred and Beautiful.

Seeming to last forever

But eluding memory

The beginning -

No end

The start of something beautiful

Lingering on

More Yay!

Okay so I decided white is more my thing, black wasn't suiting me so I ended up changing templates again and I'm using one of blogger's default ones just tweaked around a bit to suit the Purlpe Cauldron. :). I love it. I'll keep it this way for a while atleast!
And yes I am so going to flunk maths. One day to doomsday. God Help me.
An yes I'm writing pretty regularly.
And the coffee is back. And I have tons of chocolate, like boxes of chunks of home made chocolates baba brought from Kodaikanal so I'll survive for a while. They have cocoa farms there. I'd love to own a cocoa farm and have a chocolate factory :).
Oh no I'm talking about chocolate again. I mean I shouldn't be doing that. For certain reasons.
[Okay Mr.Coffee I'm really sorry you know, I couldn't resist and I seriously didn't mean to - well you know the rest.] :P
But I just hope moody posts dont look chirpy because of the chirpy layout.
I mean I still write moody broody serious things. So please take me seriously when I write broody serious things. Well, easy to say that now coz I'm not writing anything serious or broody but hell whatever!
Okay I guess that's it for now(I mean its not really it but I have to say goodbye before I write too much nonsense and I need to sleep anyway).
Cheerio! :)

Yay!

So I finally managed to change the template and I guess I'll be changing templates more often, its fun. :). Oh and the cool thing is there's a 'search' option in the blog so you can search the blog for any keywords. Only problem is the font size is pretty small so it might look a bit cramped. But I like it anyway.
And maths is really frustrating the hell out of me, but Taylor expansion isn't as scary as I thought. But successive differentiation is much scarier than I thought. Phew.
I think I like blogging better than social interview on Facebook. Some of the questions are really lame, like 'what would so-and-so do if you tickled them?' and 'what would you do if so-and-so threw a water balloon at you?' and all that. Blah. 
I like winter. Its lovely to snuggle under the quilt and get your feet warm. And also it offers more opportunities to dress creatively. Like layers and hats and scarves and all that. Nice.
I've survived four days without coffee. There isn't any more coffee powder in the house. Tomorrow's a sunday and hopefully some shopping will get done so I wont have to struggle for existence. No really, I hate it when I badly want coffee in the evening and there isn't any and I have to make do with tea. I mean there's only so much tea you can drink. Ugh.
I swear I'm going to throw a party after 2nd year to celebrate the fact that I don't have to study math anymore. But thats a long time off. :(
I realized its been almost 3 years of my blog. Yay :).

Time is all it takes.

I spoke to Maddy for a really long time today after a really long time. And like always, all the memories, flashbacks and unshared secrets came up.
And I think I can afford to give math a break for the evening so I got thinking like I usually do. Some revelations that made me go back in time. Little things that don't matter anymore, but would probably have mattered back then.
I've had an eventful life these past few years. I've seen a lot, experienced many many different things and learnt.
And over time everything changes. Fights, disagreements, struggles, overwhelming emotions you couldn't come to terms with. Everything gets ironed out in the end.
It still is difficult for me to accept some things or maybe I think that way just because of memories raked up. Sometimes I just don't know what to do, how to handle situations as they are now. There are times I still can't make sense of what I'm feeling which confuses me and depresses me. But what can be done? As of now, nothing.
But I know that everything will be alright later. Everything will be fine, ironed out. Things will begin to make more sense and I'll know exactly what I'm doing without being unsure of myself.
But it will take time. Time is all it takes.
This is life. :)

'Oh well, whatever never mind'

I'm not going to change. Because I like the way I am. I love the way I am. I like the things I do, I like the way I do things. I don't care if they're good, bad or crazy.
I'm a world for myself. I don't need much. I'll never go against what I want to be, not for anything in the world.
But I like change. I like trying new things, new ideas. I'm not rigid. I like to experiment. Find out what works best for me. Stick to what's best for me. But try other things. I like to fluctuate, oscillate.
I'm impulsive. I like to think. I think rather a lot sometimes. I wonder why I try to be nice all the time. Sometimes I'm not sure of what I'm doing. Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm sad, sometimes excited, elated, frustrated, tired. Sometimes I just don't know.
But I like being me. I like everything about me and about what I do. And I'd never want to be turned into something else, someone who live my way. I wouldn't change for anything in the world.

Strange Phenomena

I have my honours exam tomorrow and for some reason I am so shit scared I'm almost paralyzed and I cant think and I cant study and this has never happened to me before. I mean hell, I've never even been tensed before an exam. What the hell is going on? Like really, I'm so damn tensed and it feels like I've forgotten every damn thing and my head seems to not be working, like I don't remember a thing in inorganic. Everything is just gliding past me. Hell.
So I came online to try to relax a bit. Man I am scared. I think its the pressure. If you do well the first time people think you are absolutely the best and you always have to be absolutely the best. Family, friends, classmates, professors. And most of all myself. Its me whose been pressurizing myself the most.
I've changed I guess. I never cared about exams all my life, let alone get tensed. I mean earlier it would piss me off that I wasn't tensed before an exam like a normal person. I sort of wanted to start afresh now on the academic front because I was pretty average at school and yeah I'm quite pleased with the fact that I've made a start atleast but the incredible pressure I've got to get through to keep it going that way is something I realized only now. And the main part is, its a subject I like and I always want to be the best at what I like best. Sometimes I think I'm pretty lucky that I knew exactly what I wanted to do before making any wrong choices. And I'm getting to do exactly that.
And unfortunately, that isn't the case these days. In 11-12 everyone's so confused with all the options. And mostly because of the peer pressure they end up doing something they don't really want to.And there are a huge number of students who get into basic science courses because they don't get the ranks they'd need in the competitive exams to get into the institutes they want and its pretty bad for them because if you don't really like the science and you're forced to study it, its terrible. And actually the whole system's a confused mess because it isn't easy preparing for competitive exams along with the boards.
So anyway like I said, I'm lucky. And personally, I wouldn't study engineering if you paid me. Actually the only other alternative I could've gone for was medicine or biotech. But naah. I'm happy with chemistry. Medicine is crazy tough and biotech isn't basic science. And since I want to do molecular biology later on chemistry is the best option.

Sheesh I've written a lot. Feynman's writing is getting into my system, I think I'm writing like him. :-O
Yeah writing helps!

So tomorrow will be the last bangla exam of my life. Yay. Uh, considering I pass that is.
I hope I pass I hope I pass I hope I pass

Hello again :)

I haven't blogged for a long time. So I thought I really must post something because my blog looks all abandoned.
And I want to make an omlette. I don't know why, but I just do. A big fluffy omlette with onions and tomatoes and capsicum, lots of chillies, maybe some cheese and chilli flakes and pepper and oregano and whatever else I can find.
And its winter but its not really cold yet, though people are acting like its the antarctic. I want to wear my nice green big sweater and purple socks. And I also really want to eat phuchka. Really jhaal phuchka. Haven't had phuchka in a long time.
I miss going to college. I feel really useless at home because all I do is eat and I become terribly lazy. We're on study leave for semester one exams which begin on 4th december.
Its nice going for long walks on winter afternoons. The exams will kill my winter here. Bad.
Oh and I'm really happy I got accepted for the Undergraduate Associateship at Saha Institute Of Nuclear Physics biophysics division. Which means I get to work on a research project there for 90 days a year for 3 years till I graduate. Which means I will already have a bit of research experience by the time I complete my Bsc. :). And protiens are cool :)
Yay. :)
Oh I just discovered that olive oil is nice. It smells nice too.

When I grow up and live on my own I'll call my close friends over for dinner on saturday night. And I'll cook dinner and we'll chat and catch up over brownies and coffee. Hot coffee on chilly winter evenings and cold coffee with ice cream for sultry summer days. And there'll be some good music for a nostalgic touch. And I'll light the pretty scented candles that have been piling up unused.
Yeah its nice to fantasize.
[Okay I admit that fantasy was a little bit Wake Up Sid inspired.

As my head spins faster and faster.

Past lives spinning by
losing count
Too many lost worlds
Days forgotten, though maybe not quite
Now just hazy outlines of memories
That dont seem like they really belong here.

A tightrope walk between past and present
All over again
New worlds, new lives
one at a time
Coming, going, coming, going

The same old things
but every time, surprising with a shining newness
never failing to electrify
Rising, dying, rising, dying
...Rising again
 To die again maybe
But its bright, like every rising.
Bright, but in a different colour.

There's nothing called perfect,
Nothing called forever
Nothing called never
 Just a long, long road
with something new at every turn

And my head spins faster and faster
I feel that strange tingling again
The spark through my nerves
The shocking thrill
But I think I know...