Blankness

I don't know why I feel all dead and claustrophobic the day before an exam whether I give a damn about the exaqm or not(in most cases I don't). Maybe it's because I slept a lot today. I started re-reading the Harry Potter series(!!) and I'm halfway through Chamber Of Secrets and as always they get me hooked. I've had Scar Tissue by RHCP running in my head all day for some reason and I'm listening to it for the 8th time in a row. t's infectious somehow. It's giving me a weird feeling. The mellowish saddish haunting guitar line.I don't feel like listening to anything else.

I wanted to drink something so I had cold milk which was nice. Then I had lays magic masala. I wanted a dip. I used mayonise as a dip but once I started eating it felt too creamy and I felt like each bite was making me bloat up so I gave up. And I'm still stuck with this song, must be the 10th time I'm listening to it.

Freeze

The strange feeling, refreshing and cold as the icy wind.
The cold bites into me like a rope tightening
The trees murmer in rebellion
I am here, alone
Lost, entranced by the turbulent earth,
an earth lost in memories of its youth
eons before the age of mortals
My mind is frozen
Red clouds creep into the ink blue sky
Dancing forks of lightning, surreally arousing
I stand here alone, breathing in
Every breath a new life, a new feeling
I am empty, but alive
entangled in this frozen jumble of chaotic thoughts
A wilderness I needn't make sense of
Unreal but wonderful
Freezing silence, beautiful as a snowflake
I reach out to hold you
breathe with me
Cause this world is where we belong.

Flu and Floyd.

I have a cold and I'm trying hard to get rid of it because its very irritating to keep sniffing and feeling all swollen and puffy and sick and sad. I tried everything I could since yesterday -the homeopathic stuff, cough syrup(which helped), crocin(which is friggin really really useless) and 1 cup of coffee, 4 cups of tea and 1 cup of milk but I still feel all swollen and puffy and sick. We had a get together at Neoz again and at every get together we end up watching Pulse sooner or later so I watched Pulse for about the 4th time or something.
I bought chocolate for Tinku(his pet lizard) and it had completely liquefied. And then Neo taught me bluesy stuff on bass and I tried to play it and he played bluesy stuff on his acoustic guitar which didn't have a first string and then we got bored and started listening to Tool and got all high-ish and treated the poor guitar as a tabla. I SWEAR I'm going to try playing Tool on tabla, it'll be awesome.
And then Rishav was all sleepy and bored so we put on Zappa while he slept and we danced around(if I may use the term 'danced', it was more like two Neanderthals randomly kicking here and there and we always ended up kicking each other :D)him in the hope of waking him up with our horrendous dancing but we were unsuccessful unfortunately. :-
Sohom and Ayan joined us after lunch and we watched Pulse. again. :). But since I was feeling all puffy and swollen I went off to sleep :-.
I got home and had crocin and went to sleep again and woke up feeling sweatier and puffier and I just made tea but it was too strong but it wasnt bad so I drank it anyway and I felt temporarily less puffy.
Well I had a great day anyway. :)

Summer blues

April is killing me. I don't feel like doing anything at all the whole day. In the afternoon I feel like I'm melting. This heat seems to have retarded all processes, my head doesn't seem to be working AT ALL these days, which isn't a good thing cuz I still have two exams left. :-(
I just dont do anything at all really, just sleep a lot and talk a bit. I don't even eat a lot. I feel way too lazy to move, let alone go swimming.
Neo came over today and his pet lizard Tinku seemed to be really missing him and was really hungry too so Tinku called Oin and cried and told her he was bored and hungry :(. And finally Oin sang to Tinku and put him to sleep.
I know, heat does weird things to the head. It makes you have the weirdest conversations.
My brother is really being a pest as usual. He's a violation to the laws of physics(more specifically, the second law of thermodynamics) because its a mystery where he gets so much energy from when everything around is evaporating or melting. I'm just wondering what to do about him when my friends come over on sunday. Really. This is why I rarely host parties at my house but I had to this time. I just really really hope some kind of a mircale happens. High hopes.
Oh but then miracles do happen.
A friend taught me how to make cold coffee, haven't tried it yet. Hope it works. Hope my mixie works. I'll try on sunday. I also want to make lemon ice tea.
Well I'm just feeling dead as usual. Haha.
I'll write more sensible stuff when I have more energy.

Flashes of colour

Green ponds
Trees line the way
Bursts of colour
A rainbow carpet of flowers
Sunset.
Hues interwoven, merging slowly
Purple lines, orange glow
The sky a magestic palette
Master strokes of the brush
Sky paint mixes into blueness
Stars peek in through the gaps in the trees
Saying hello
Ruins and lighted homes
Glittering skyscrapers
Cobbled streets leading somewhere
A maze, never failing to delight.
The walk
The silence that encloses us
Time runs..

Damn. Glasses suck sometimes. They get in the way too much. x-(

Muddlehead

Hell man I have IITJEE tomorrow and I've given up trying cuz therez no way any of that math getz into my head, its such a nightmare. So there I go on a 8 hour long picnic. I'm listening Gosmack and I'm highly pissed with my mother cuz she wont let me go to a sleepover party at Anushka's place on the 19th and her reasons are really disgusting and illogical, which is even more pissing off("Why sleepover? Why cant you get together during the day like normal decent people? We never went to sleepovers in our lives!", etc.). Like big deal. I haven't yet told her I have an outing on monday, my plan was that I'd just come home after the exam tomorrow and tell her I'm going to south city with some of my friends(I'll have to make proper backup plans first which might be a bit of trouble) but if things look really bad I'll tell her I'm going to math tution and just get the hell out of the house and call her later and tell her I'm going to south city for lunch. Sheesh. Well actually if she doesnt let me go to the sleepover I'll have a good reason to throw a tantrum and get out of the house on monday.
I really hope I manage to get through to a bombay college. I'll get a more focused course and I really want to go live in a new place. Need to actually. My dad said he'll get me custom made tabla :-D. And a new synth too maybe! :-D

Flight.

Turns in the road

on after the other

Journey never ends

Free as a bird I glide through the air

Smiles and Sunshine

Darnkess to light.

Once and for all

and again, free.

The Rainbow Gypsy.

Runaround

Darkness creeps slowly into the mellow evening
Sharp shadows of noon blur to merge into a solace that embraces us
What was once 'forever' now seems nothing
Through the fading light I try to see
But outlines, no faces
Smiles, tears, nothing at all
Nostalgia
Decayed dreams being lived through,
Not remembered
Tangled thoughts that once lingered somewhere deep down
Washed away, lost
But tides come and go
You never know when they'll be washed ashore again
like always.
Voices flow free, not a speck of the broken sheild remains
Ruins of the wall lie in oblivion
Darkness envelops us, closing in
Our protector
It cannot mask the strange joy.
How do you know, what do you know?
The feeling of not feeling what should be felt
Space and time run in haphazard directions
Meeting sometimes, cosmic accidents
What should, what could, what does
All a mixture of confused destiny
And the cycle I guess will never end.

Candle light

Dusk falls, the sky bathed sanguine
Sitting in silence by candlelight
Soft whispers of days forgotten
A journey through memories eaten away
I see your face in candlelight
It dances there illuminating bits of you
Flashes, never whole
Once dark, once bright
Never still.
There in the dancing darkness
Stories of life, secrets
Wrappped tightly in that old song
The one that will always play.


Cosmic twins, we are one
The stars bind us,
incarnations in parallel universes.

Beating about the bush.

Never beat about the bush. It's a waste of energy and doesn't help in the long run. :)

Rainbow gypsy.

I stand by the fork in the road

To say goodbye, to step a new way

To break through the black and white

and chase the rainbow

I will walk through the yellow meadows

Follow the birds to the green wood

And beyond I'll find the crystal lake

Where I'll drown the rusty box of Memory's last traces

Till it lays to rest in the deep blue grave.

I'll wait for the moon to spin me my wings

And then I'll fly far far away

To reach my new place in the cosmos

And there I'll stand and smile

And wave back and say

"Hello, how are you?"

Brain Damage.

My head is just SPINNING. I didn't know organic chemistry would make my head too feel like it was staggered, skewed, partially eclipsed and eclipsed.
For the time being I'm trying to get myself into a more stabilized orientation by getting sound waves of large amplitude to penetrate the system. Heard of sonotherapy? (I'm too lazy to look up whether a word like that exists already, I think it does. And if it doesn't(didn't), now it does! Hah.).
Anyway, I think I should sign off before I inflict further damage to the brains of the kindly souls who read my blog.
Goodbye.

4 down.

So we're midway through ISC and the last two days was a nightmare swallowing a >2000 page physics textbook. I was so saturated I'm so glad the exam is over! And I found it pretty decent, considering I hardly studied physics at all the whole year. We have 3 days before chem and I'm not going to do anything today. I need a break!
Porcupine Tree are God.

I got wiring loose inside my head
I got books that I never ever read
I got secrets in my garden shed
I got a scar where all my urges bled
I got people underneath my bed
I got a place where all my dreams are dead
Swim with me into your blackest eyes.

Fade to black

Erase.
Delete.
Obliviate.
Nothing ever happened at all.
Stranger was a best friend, best friend was a stranger.

No difference, they're all best friends.
But still crumbs of Wall remain, resisting destruction.

ISC!

So, ISC has officially begun. We had our first exam, physics practical today. It was funny the way everyone was absolutely certain we were going to get concave-convex but they gave us single convex! I mean the last week was crazy, with people scurrying around for focal lengths and learning up elaborate manipulative techniques(I mean, doing the experiment is simpler isn’t it?). Okay, so that’s done. There wasn’t much scope for manipulation in any case!
But I really think it’s torture to sit in that lab for a full 3 hours without being allowed to get out. I mean for the first time in my life I was wishing it was hotter! Not that I don’t like the weather, but the volume of a kidney is just about 450 cc and if you don’t sweat the water content in your body is so high that ADH secretion goes down and the distal convoluted tubules become impermeable to water! And even if you don’t understand any of the bio I rattled off I guess you get what I mean! Oh, and to make things worse, they made us sit an extra half an hour to make us watch the papers being packed. Human rights violation! :-P

Last 'last'.

We had to go back to school for our papers. It somehow felt so surreal walking those corridors, sitting in class. All the old stuff all over again. And you know, it was too weird coming back to a life I believed I had left behind. It was a strange feeling reliving moments I had bid a grand farewell to. It just wasn't right somehow. People were overjoyed, coming back again but to me, it was like going back in time, to something I didn't really want to go back to, not because I didn't like it but because it just didn't feel right that way. I remember something Anushka had said at our last assembly: there is a time and place for everything, and even if somehow we could stretch the days, it wouldn't be right. It was all so Deja vu.
Hyper little Sushi taking attendance and jumping about squealing at the top of her lungs, PDG and her dreary lectures, chem teacher and her wrongly overemphasized syllables, Dr.De and everything about her, Parvathy and the feasts and round-table-gossip conferences in her class while she taught a scattered few. Ishani's enormous computer project with algorithms written in a last minute frenzy using my only black pen(the only pen I had actually! :P), Ruvlina's tiffin, Lydia's madness..
It's hard to believe we dont even have a month left for exams to begin. Today, it sank in that school is really over. Today was the last of everything. The last 'last'.