There are these times I feel so pathetically listless and tired, I don't feel like doing anything at all. I feel dead. It worries me a lot. I get bored of everything very quickly. I don't like talking to people because I feel its too much of a waste of energy talking. Somehow, everyone around seems so stupid and immature. All they do is gossip about people they barely know, and about matters they have practically no idea of. You hear a wide variety of heavily distorted versions of the same story from a large number of people, each claiming to have been informed by 'reliable sources'. Yeah right. I know it's supposed to be fun and entertaining but I'm very tired of all of it. As a result, in school I completely stay out of all such conversations. I have become too impassive, too 'laid back', too unwilling to 'waste energy' by opening my mouth, talking, laughing at stupid jokes[Earlier, if there had been a laughing olympiad, I would've won the silver(Neo would have won the gold for his innumerable episodes of falling down on the road as a result of laughing too much, and resisting being dragged up by his friends until he was in grave danger of being run over by a car)], and erm...thinking of laughing makes me feel a lot lighter so I won't go on about this. :-) But I feel like I live on another world. Maybe I should go live on another planet or something.

I don't feel like drawing contorted brains, cockroaches and ears and eyes(not of the cockroach) and I don't feel like calculating minimum areas of oddly shaped tents, nor do I feel like memorising the contents of a gruesome potion made by three gruesome witches, so I might as well go to sleep.
Bye.

Lazy noons.

The wind blows gently and the little yellow flowers on thet tree are nodding happily. It's raining leaves around. Little yellow yellow leaves, little grren ones, and a few bigger green dance through the air and fall lightly to the ground. You can see the wind in litte whirls, as falling leaves waltz around in little circles. And then a few rise above the ground, almost in a miniature wind whirlpool.

The wind moves about in strange ways. There's one little tree in the middle of a long line of trees suddenly wiggling and rustling while the others around are still and silent.
There's a whole stretch of leaves lying on the ground but all of a sudden, three or four leaves somewhere in the middle rise and chase each other around in a circle for a few seconds and then they float back down.

Slowly, the grey clouds inch towards each other from different directions. The sky turns a dense grey-blue. The rain starts very suddenly. It recedes suddenly too, and then the sky glows an etehreal amber. A strong, strangely bright, heavenly glow. Everything becomes momentarily luminous. Bright green in various shades.

The rain still falling softly glitters. If you look up you can see a rainbow. The grey clouds are now parting and moving away sowly, giving way to an endless expanse of too-clear blue. The rain stops and the sun shines again. Solid streaks of sunlight fall on the wet ground and on the trees, making them glimmer.

"Cold november rain.." Though it isnt' november.
The strains of the aalap of Brindavani Sarang I learnt yesterday play in my head.

Rain and a wicked game

It began to rain. One drop after the other, slowly at first, and then in a rush. Each drop was illuminated by the little orange light in front. Each drop glowed orange before more fell. It looked like little dancing specks of orange. It was dark all around, except for the little orange light and the dancing specks.

It was beautiful.

We were the only ones outside getting drenched but we sat there and watched the rain dancing.



What a wicked game you play
To make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do
To let me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say
You never felt this way
What a wicked thing to do
To make me dream of you
I don't wanna fall in love

I really dont know whats gotten into me these days. I seem so listless and uninterested in practically everything. I've begun to actually HATE going to school and I don't like any of the classes. I hate english classes cause the pest of a teacher keeps making us write answers in class. Hell I don't even feel like staying awake in class. I never submit my work. I hate writing english answers in class. I just feel VERY lazy. I wasn't like this before. There were other people who weren't writing as well but she threatened us with dire warnings of deducting marks from our exams(trust me she really does that), and everyone bucked up and submitted whatever they wrote but I didn't bother. I got caught. I still didn't bother. I've really given up caring and it's somehow scaring me now.

And it's not only english. I don't think I even need to mention bangla, where I used to sleep in class anyway, but now I don't stay awake for even a SINGLE period in the week. I don't bother to listen at all in physics class. And I can't bear to stay awake even in chemistry. We have a new teacher who DRAGS her words and irritatingly stresses on the wrong syllables and after that, repeats EVERY SENTENCE twice. The only classs I can bear these days is bio.

Today we had to prepare slides of muscle tissue from the leg of a cockroach. It was an unpleasant experience, to say the least. I really do not wish to recall the entire process. We were given chloroformed cockroaches(fortunately, mine was properly chloroformed). Piyali screamed, Debosmita heard Piyali scream, looked at her own cockroach, screamed and dropped her watchglass. Dr.D screamed at them. Vasudha went into hysterics. Antara was shaking so much she almost dropped her cockroach on Chitrika. Srijonee on the other hand, calmly took her cockroach, poked it around a bit with the scalpel and ventured to cut off its leg without even wincing. I didn't much like the idea of having to cut legs off a cockroach, and I didn't feel muck like looking at the cockroaches, so I did everything in a hurry and I cut the wrong part of the leg and couldn't get any tissue and I couldn't see ANYTHING under the microscope so I had to do the whole thing again. :-(. Sahana, on the other hand not only cut cockroach legs, she actually dissected the ENTIRE COCKROACH and showed us its stomach and and its alimentary canal. We tried to find the heart but we couldn't.

I really hope we don't get this for an exam. Goat nerve is much easier. You get disgusting slimy white gooey tubular masses of spinal chord which you're supposed to 'slit open' and scrape out the grey matter from the inside using a scalpel and put it on a slide and tease it around nicely and stain it and squash it, etc. I didn't get to see much in my slide, so I spent the rest of the class making pretty patterns on filter paper with eosin. I ended up dropping lots of it on my skirt.

Anyway, I'm doing my bio project on viruses, which is a really cool topic, specially rabies which is a really cool disease. ;) I didn't want to do the old conventional stuff like AIDS and chickenpox and stuff.

I learnt a really pretty raag called Kalavati, which is actually a carnatic raag. Its good stretching excercise for the fingers because you have to jump from komal ga straight to pa. And it sounds very pretty too. It sounds like a pretty little girl dancing. :-)

Well, I better get going and finish my project. I've written quite a lot I guess.